I figured out which Insta Stories will actually make your crush reply
Ranked from worst to best methods
So back in the olden days, before Instagram and even the Internet were invented, people flirted with their crushes by passing them carefully folded notes in class, inviting them out for milkshakes, and asking for their hand in marriage on the third date. I mean, that's pretty much how it worked back then, right..?
Well ladies, the year is now 2018 and most of us experience too much social anxiety to even order a turmeric latte from a barista (ugh, what if I mispronounce it??), much less speak to an actual hot person who we are head over heels in love with.
So if you want to get your crush's attention, but you don't want to actually…you know…talk to them, then your only hope is to post something SO interesting on your Instagram Story that your crush has simply no choice but to swipe up and respond to you, therefore starting a beautiful and totally organic conversation in the DMs that will inevitably culminate in your crush declaring their undying love for you.
Well, what're you waiting for? Seduce your crush today by posting one of these tantalizing snaps on your Story!
The classic thirst trap
Okay, hear me out ladies. This is a classic for a reason! Sure, some people may say that traditional thirst traps are passé, but in my experience no straight man has been able to resist the urge to DM "???" or "???" after seeing even the slightest glimpse of cleavage, butt, leg, or even foot (hey, it's more common than you think!). It is simply a knee jerk impulse that has been biologically wired in them after years of sending thirsty DMs to to IG models with hundreds of thousands of followers who will never, ever give them a time of day.
And the good news is there are SO many ways to thirst trap. Your options are practically endless! If you're at the beach, then you can pull off a full-body bikini shot, a "hot dogs or legs" shot, or even a subtle cleavage shot if you want to keep things more PG. Just came out of the shower? Start skin-trapping. Chilling with a big ole sweater on? Try the innocent trapping technique. Truly, there's no way you can go wrong as long as you expose a little shoulder, upper thigh, or boob flesh! Your crush will show up in your DMs in no time.
A wholesome selfie
If you want to thirst trap your crush but you don't really want to give your 80-year-old aunt a heart attack next time she logs onto Instagram to post a photo of her potted plant, then you can achieve similar results by posting a normal, wholesome selfie. Sure, it's not AS effective as the thirst trap, but if your crush is even remotely interested in you, it's still a perfect opportunity for them to message you a heart-eye emoji or two.
To maximize the efficacy of this technique, you must ensure that this selfie is FIRE. I don't care how many attempts this takes! Go find a spot with natural lighting, put on your best smize face, and snap away. If you want to add a little sexiness to your selfie, then all you have to do is delicately position a finger or two next to your lips. As Cher Horowitz said: "Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good!"
A tantalizing food pic
Okay, so here's the ONE downside to thirst traps and selfies — they might attract the wrong people. In my experience, the only people who actually respond to my thirst traps are the grossest and sleaziest guys, most of whom are married men with Bible quotes in their bio. So if you DON'T want to wind up with an inbox full of "hey sexy" messages from middle-aged men posing with their daughters in their profile pictures, then you might want to play it a bit more subtle.
And what better way to get your crush's attention than with a dank food pic?? Think about it. How many times have you aimlessly flicked through a couple dozen Insta stories only to find an utterly delectable-looking dish or dessert that you are DYING to try, and then swiping up and DMing "omg where is that from"? The beauty of this technique is its subtlety. Unlike responding to someone's thirst trap with heart eyes, responding to someone's food pic with heart eyes is much more socially acceptable and way less sleazy. Yeah, I'm sending you heart eyes in response to the cheesecake you posted — but what it ACTUALLY means is that I'm in love with YOU. I'm just using your cheesecake as an excuse to talk to you. Hehe. Trust that your crush will probably think the same way, so go ahead and post some ~aesthetic~ photos of the most delicious food you can afford! (So probably not much lol).
A fun activity
This is kind of similar to the food pic, except you can actually tailor this to your crush's interests. I mean, maybe you know that your crush is a basic bitch who loves healthy vegan food, in which case you can post a photo of mushroom jerky (yes, I regret to inform you that this is actually a thing) and know for sure that they'll respond to you immediately with "???." But most of us don't know our crush's culinary habits that well — and so, it can be hard to post something that will actually catch their attention and not make them go "meh."
Not so with their hobbies and habits! Fortunately for us, most people tend to share their hobbies with the rest of the world by posting about them incessantly on social media. Take a quick scroll through their social media to see what they enjoy doing. For example, are they really into concerts? Well then, next time you see your favorite band perform, you can post a video of it on your Story. This gives your crush a reason to DM you with something like "omg you listen to __? I love them too!" or "wow this looks so fun, take me with you next time!" Same thing applies if they're really into sports, fishing, skiing, or literally anything. Although I would strongly advise against feigning interest in a hobby just to get your crush's attention. Trust me when I say that that will NOT end well!
Everyone loves a funny bitch! At least, I hope so..? A sense of humor is the only thing that most of us have going for us (especially those of us who grew up ugly so we were forced to actually develop interesting personalities), so I sure hope it counts for SOMETHING. You know what they say — the first step to making someone fall in love with you is by making them laugh! I honestly don't know, I just made that up. But I think that sounds about right. At the very least, it'll open the door for your crush to reply to your Story with a bunch of "???," which isn't exactly "???" but it's a start!
So go ahead, show off your wit and humor! Post that funny meme, hilarious tweet, or if you're feeling particularly ~creative~ you can even write your own joke. Lmao imagine? Coming up with humorous content by yourself instead of just stealing it from a meme page? A concept. But if you take a fire selfie and write a funny caption to accompany it, then your crush is hit with a double whammy — your beautiful face AND your irresistible wit. This deadly combination is sure to seduce your crush into starting a DM conversation with you.
And the best thing about this technique is that, if it works, you know that your crush actually likes you for you. With the other methods, it's not really guaranteed. After all, maybe they just honestly want to know where you got your avocado toast from. But if they're responding to you when you express your personality? Girl, they're already in love with you. All you gotta do now is lock it down.
Aziz Ansari talks about the sexual misconduct allegations against him for the first time
‘I hope I’ve become a better person’
In a gig on Monday night, Aziz Ansari talked for the first time about the allegations of sexual misconduct made against him last year. During a massively oversubscribed gig at Village Underground in New York, Ansari said he hopes he has "become a better person." Vulture first reported the comments. The site said Ansari led…
Instagram now tells people when you screenshot, so just throw away your whole damn phone
Who thought this was a good idea!?
by Caroline Phinney
Lately, Instagram has sucked for a lot of reasons: posts are no longer in chronological order, influencers are reportedly being screwed out of money, and now, on top of everything else, Instagram alerts someone when you take a screenshot. Is nothing sacred?! Long gone are the days of snapping pics of your ‘friends’ and then…
People are slamming Bumble for an ‘abusive’ ad campaign involving painting endangered elephants
“No one should even consider climbing on an elephant’s back”
by Nian Hu
Bumble recently launched in India and celebrated with a launch party at City Palace in Jaipur. Instagram posts and stories reveal that the CEO Whiteny Wolfe Herd and various celebrities were in attendance. Several photos of the event show elephants being ridden with the Bumble logo painted on their faces. According to PETA Executive Vice…