How to meet your partner’s friends for the first time without making an absolute ass of yourself

By some stroke of luck, and a hefty dose of black magic, you managed to find someone who wants to date you. You're still confused about how it happened but hey, you're not complaining. Part of you is still nervous you'll mess this up somehow. You're worried once your partner finds out how weird/idiotic/socially awkward you really are, they'll dump you in a heartbeat.

So, when your partner suggests you get drinks with their friends, you want to die. The HORROR! You feign a smile, but deep down you know the jig is up. They'll watch with stony judgement as you spill red wine, make utterly inane comments about the weather, and stutter through some dad jokes.

Then, when you go to the bathroom, they'll have a brief conversation with your partner to help them realize the error of their ways. But, that's not going to happen! At least, probably not. Here's what to do when you're meeting your partner's friends for the first time:

Be honest and tell your partner you're nervous

You might not want to let it slip that you're nervous, because you want to keep up a facade of confidence and effortlessness or whatever, but I'm here to tell you that's a terrible idea. If you're feeling anxious, it's going to come out one way or another. And do you really want it to come out when you spill a pitcher of beer on the floor because your hands are shaking? Or when you end up scrolling on your phone because you're too scared to say anything?

Don't be scared to admit the truth. As long as you don't freak the fuck out and have a full-blown panic attack, you're fine. A day or two before the meeting, make a cute throwaway comment like, "I'm excited to meet your friends, but also a little nervous!" That's a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to say. And the good thing about coming clean to your partner is they'll be ready to swoop in if things get awkward. Remember, your partner is here to help you. Y'all are on the same team! They want you to get along with their friends just as much as you do.

Do some prep work and get ready to go with the flow

Meeting your partner's friends for the first time is not the time to showcase your quirky individuality. This is the time to show you're a team player who fits in well with the existing roster. You don't want to stand out too much. Do you really want to be that high maintenance girlfriend wearing stilettos and a minidress at a casual bar, while everyone else is wearing jeans? Or that girlfriend wearing jeans at a gala while everyone else is wearing ball gowns? Both scenarios are bad.

You can avoid all that by doing a little bit of prep work. For example, it helps to know a bit about these friends before you meet them. Are they mostly guys or girls? Are they super into sports? Are they obsessed with Riverdale? Ask your partner to spill the beans! Obviously don't try to become an entirely different person to impress them, but it can be good to know which parts of your personality you should highlight. You should also do some research about where you're meeting up before deciding what to wear. Read through the Yelp reviews of the bar or restaurant to see if the dress code is more jeans-and-white-sneakers or sparkly-dress-and-heels.

Ask them questions about themselves

The fateful day has finally arrived, and you are scared shitless. What are you going to talk about with these people? Despite prep, you're worried you still know nothing about them. They're all already best friends with each other, with plenty of inside jokes and shared interests and mutual friends to talk about. What could you possibly contribute to the conversation?

Lucky for you, it is a scientific fact everyone loves to talk about themselves. It might feel awkward to ask them personal questions at first, but you can start with something safe — your partner. Think about it! You have literally nothing in common with these people except for the fact all of you are big fans of your partner. Why not use that to your advantage, and ask them a few questions about them that can easily turn into a full-blown conversation about themselves? For example, even something as simple as "How did you and James meet?" could lead to a hilarious story about a drunk college party.

Tell them a funny story about yourself

At some point, you're going to be expected to share a story of your own. It's always better to let them ask you a question rather than volunteer information about yourself out of nowhere (or even worse, in the middle of one of their stories). Have faith they're just as curious about you as you are about them, so they have plenty of questions they want to ask you. They might not ask at first because they don't want to scare you off, but the questions will come. Wait patiently for one to come up organically — "So that's how me and James met! How how did you two meet?" — before telling them more about yourself.

Try to keep things short and sweet — no one likes a rambler. Even better, share a funny story! Your partner's friends are feeling you out and they want to know you're a chill person who they can also hang out with one-on-one. Show you don't take yourself super seriously by sharing a story that's lighthearted, humorous, and maybe even a little self-deprecating. If they see you can laugh at yourself, they'll loosen up around you.

@nian_hu