How to avoid ‘catching feelings’ while hooking up, because nobody has time for that
Never be the one to fall first
Since at this point life feels like a series of catching feelings and getting disappointed, I've created a guide to help you through the inevitable hooking up, falling for, and come down crash you'll cycle through at least two more times before January — only this time, you won't fall in the first place.
Just because you are sleeping with someone doesn't mean they need to be on your mind every waking moment. Here's how to avoid catching those inconvenient feelings for someone you're just trying to get it in with:
Do not text them about other things
In 2018, texting is more common than talking, and it's also more constant. But the more we text people, the more we think about them, and the more we confuse them with other aspects of our lives. Texting is a gateway to Skyping, and Skyping is a gateway to dating, so just try and avoid it in the first place.
Keep it to the bare minimum when possible — "Where are you?" or "When are we meeting up?" — you do not need to be messaging about their your day was, or what they're doing next week. Put a reminder next to their contact if you need to ❌.
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Do not do meals together
Nothing turns up the feels faster than the suggestion of brunch. If and when they suggest it, just say no. Food is never just food. Maybe at first you just want food, but pretty soon you want more than that, and suddenly you're in a full-blown relationship eating out every chance you get together.
If you know you're going to need an out, plan a brunch with friends the next morning so you have a reason to leave. And do not even get me started on dinner.
Do not let them close to your friends
As soon as your friends like someone, by default, you begin liking them more. So, to avoid any confusion, try and keep the person you're hooking up with separate from your friends. Naturally, they may run into one another here and there, but they should not be coming out with you every single weekend.
This will avoid any confusion about who is friends with who when one of you decides to move on. These are your friends, not theirs.
Do not open up to them about personal things
The moment you start divulging personal information is the moment you lose your grasp on your independence. Chances are the person you are casually hooking up with does not care about these details, and you're only going to convince yourself they do.
Then, when you two part ways, you'll feel like they took everything you told them with them too. This is what your friends are for. If you really need to talk to someone about something, choose wisely.
Avoid staying over whenever possible
I know Ubers are expensive, and I know you're already so comfy in bed, but get up and call that car — even if their bed is bigger and nice than yours. Hooking up at night can be easily attachment free, but things always feel different when the sun is out.
Skip on any kind of passionate morning sex by getting out of there before falling asleep. It's inconvenient yeah, but what's a lot more inconvenient is trying to get over someone you accidentally fell for. Especially when you already know they aren't falling for you.
Make sure to see other people at the same time
I know, I know, your schedule is packed, and you and this person have worked out a kind of schedule, but you have to try and squeeze other people in. Even if you are sure you aren't falling for them, the more time you spend with a person, the closer you inevitably become. Break that up with other interactions. Otherwise, you'll realize you've placed all of your eggs in one (emotionally unavailable) basket.
Besides, because you two are just hooking up, you can go right ahead and assume they are speaking with other people as well. Don't forget this.
Do not tell your family about them
The same way you do not want to tell the person you are hooking up with about your family, you should not tell your family about the person you are hooking up with. I don't care how many times your grandma nags you about getting married before she dies. The second you cross these two things, it will become a while lot harder to undo. Think of these two things as existing in entirely different realms.
If they end up become attached, you might end up become accidentally attached as well.
Do not try and fool yourself
The moment — and I mean moment — you begin catching feelings for this person, you need to be realistic with yourself and get out before you get burned. It does not matter how many times you tell yourself you will not fall for them, or how many times you tell your friends you would never catch feelings, because emotions override ration, and sometimes, no matter how hard we try, our heart wins out over our brain. Even though you can't fix what's happened, you can get out before it gets any worse.
Decide if it's worth talking to them about
Of course, if you think the person you are hooking up with may have developed feelings for you as well, perhaps neither one of you needs to run — perhaps this was meant to be. But, if there is even a sliver of you that thinks you're the only one who's fallen, do yourself a favor and leave right this moment.
I promise they probably won't even notice, and it'll save you a whole lot of unnecessary healing time.
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