This is why you only start picking up on someone’s bullshit AFTER you’ve broken up

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This is why you only start picking up on someone’s bullshit AFTER you’ve broken up

Your BS detector is broken

My only power — a blessing and a curse — is I can detect bullshit from miles away. Even if I don't know the person, I know they're bullshitting, and this bullshit detector is particularly strong when it comes to friends or sisters and their (less significant) significant others.

However, all these powers turn to shit the moment I am the one settling.

When I'm "in love," my mans can tell me anything he wants. He can tell me that sext he just got was "for the wrong person," he can tell me the girl commenting heart eyes on his most recent IG is his cousin, fuck, he can make out with someone in front of me and tell me they came on to him and I'll eat it all up. The good news is I'm not alone. The bad news is, there's almost nothing we can do about it, because it's s c i e n c e.

A 2006 study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology tested subjects on their ability to detect bullshit, and it turned out subjects who were put in a shit mood by watching a sad film were far more likely to pick up on BS than those who were put in a good mood by watching a comedy. Basically, we're way better at detecting lies when we are deeply unhappy.

The reason this is so dangerous in relationships is because often when we are falling for someone — even when these people are abusive, manipulative or otherwise — we convince ourselves we are happy, making it much harder to accept or even see the fact someone is treating us poorly.

It's the same reason we give great love advice, but we rarely ever take our own: "Don't take him back," "avoid texting for a while," "tell him he upset you," and the list goes on. But when our friends are shackled up with losers, we cannot believe they can't see it. The warning signs are right in front of them and they are just casually ignoring them.

But according to this study they will see them soon enough. It just might take a breakup first.

@carolinephinney

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