What the person he dated before you says about your current relationship
It’s completely normal to obsesses over the girl someone you’re seeing dated before you. You aren’t “crazy” for wondering what drew him to her in the first place, what inside jokes they shared, and what ultimately tore them apart. You also aren’t crazy for wincing whenever the two of you meet someone with her name, or for creating a fake account to see if she left any old pictures of them up. Or maybe that last one’s just me….
You know they used to love sushi Sundays, so you regularly suggest anything else, and you n e v e r wear headbands — that was her thing. You don’t want to live in her shadow, especially if there are any lingering feelings there, but the person he dated before you actually says way more about your current relationship than you think:
If she was your physical opposite
As much as we avoid reminder of our SO’s exes, sometimes, it’s tempting to compare ourselves to them, or to compete with them. You know they were into the same music as him, so you try and get really-really into the same music as him, or you know she was blonde, so you suddenly try on blonde for the first time in your life. But if you look different, that’s okay! Chances are, he found you because he was looking for something new. He went in search of what else was out there, and you are that something else. Think about it, after dating Selena, Justin turned to Hailey. Imagine if Hailey dyed her hair black and started singing when Justin came back around? It would’ve been creepy as all fuck.
If she looked exactly the same as you
This is…honestly not a good sign at all. Of course some people can’t help that they look like someone else, but there are so many people in the world, and so few doppelgängers, that it’s like?? He literally could have dated anybody else. Take Channing Tatum and Jessie J (who looks e x a c t l y like Jenna Dewan) for example. Or The Weeknd and Selena Gomez. Sure she doesn’t look exactly like Bella, but she doesn’t…not look like her…you know?
Dating someone who looks like your ex means one thing: You are not over them. Sure, people have “types,” but if that’s what you’re telling yourself to get through it, it’s because you’re concerned, and probably should be. Even if he doesn’t end up getting back together with her, in some way, you could be a place filler.
If their ‘relationship’ was more of a hookup
This is a good sign and a bad sign depending on whether or not he’s committed to you officially. If the two of you have agreed to exclusivity and are full on dating, you are in the clear. Maybe she wasn’t the one for him, but he’s not afraid of commitment. However, if you two are still in the hookup stage, you may want to consider whether or not it’s because he’s afraid of being tied down. Serial-hookup guys are just as real as serial daters. Look to the girl before, and the girl before her. How long was he seeing them for? Is this a pattern? If it is, you’ll want to talk to him about it (in a non-accusatory) way, to see if you are wasting your time, or if he is serious about you the way Justin was with Hailey.
If they were a long term thing
Good. So we know he isn’t afraid of committing to something, but this is a tricky one. If he got out of this long term relationship recently, and started dating you right after, it may be because he needed a crutch. It’s hard to go from full-blown togetherness to full-blown singledom, and some of us need a rebound to help us along. How do you know if you’re a rebound? Does he still talk about her? Do his friends still talk about her? Does he seem eerily dependent? Maybe take some time away and see if he suddenly finds someone else, or if what you guys had was real. Some people bounce back faster than others, but you don’t want to look back and realize you were holding someone else’s place.
If his previous relationship was long-term, but ended more than six months ago, he is probably ready for something new, and is probably interested in you as way more than a rebound.
If he dumped her
This is definitely better than the alternative — she dumped him — but you’ll still want to look into why things ended. Without being too nosy, consider asking him why things in his last relationship didn’t work out. Imagine falling in love with someone and finding out they broke up with their last partner over something like fear of a shared future, or weight gain. Chances are you know this person, and you know what they would and would not do, but people break up for all kinds of weird reasons, and you might want to find out what turns him off before you get too far innit.
If she dumped him
This is usually not as good as him having dumped her, because he may still harbor feelings for his ex, but it’s also not a bad thing. We’ve all been dumped and we have all moved on, so it is totally, totally possible. You will, however, want to keep your eyes peeled for red flags. Does he still try and reach out to her? Does he bring up their shared past a lot? Both of these are HUGE indicators that if she reached out to him, he’d get back together with her. You shouldn’t not date someone because they’ve been dumped — in fact, most of us grow from situations like that — but you should be aware of how much space she is still taking up in your current relationship. If he’s friends with her, but seemingly not interested, thats fine. It’s good to be on good terms with your ex. It means he’s mature. Maybe.
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