How soon is too soon to say ‘I love you,’ and other things you’re definitely stressing over
There are rules, people
Do you ever remember embarrassing moments from your past and feel an intense full body cringe come on, as if you were back in it, living that exact moment again? Like the time in the 6th grade you told Tyler you had a crush on him, and then he told the entire class you were "obsessed" with him. Or worse, that time you finally mustered up the courage to tell someone you were dating you loved them, and…they couldn't even bother to say it back. But more likely than not, there's a reason they didn't say it back to you, and in the end, they probably ended up saving you a lot of heartbreak and wondering.
Here's everything you need to know about when and how to tell someone you love them:
How soon is too soon?
All relationships are different, and there is no standard metric here, but anything before the three month mark is definitely way too soon. I do not care if you are ten thousand percent sure this person is your soulmate, life is very long, and they do not need to hear you say these words right now. If you really are meant to be together, you are going to be together either way.
Anything between the six month to one year mark is fair. A year might feel like a really long time to wait, especially if you are sure you love them, but to some people, those three words are more than just words — they are a responsibility. And, it would be quite irresponsible to tell someone you loved them if you weren't actually sure you did just yet.
Who should say it first?
I know everyone tells you this doesn't matter — that whoever "feels it" first should say it first — but I also know you probably think that is a load of BS. Name one fairytale in which the princess says it to the prince first. But for me — and probably you — it's not about wanting a guy to say it before us, it's about wanting to be sure the other person is actually in love with us, and not just saying it because they felt pressured to do so when we said it first. It's the same with being asked out. I know I could ask someone else out first, but I want them to ask me, because I want to be sure they really want it.
That said, it actually…does not matter. Once you realize the actual reason you want them to say it first, you can find other ways around it. People show love in different ways, and if you do say it first, that doesn't mean your partner hasn't shown it already. The thing you should actually be worrying about — instead of who says it first — is how long it will take them to say it back.
What if they don't say it back?
If you are the one who says it first, naturally, you aren't going to allow yourself to relax until you hear them say it back. Sometimes, they say it right away with a sigh of relief, and you can tell they wanted to say it as well, they were just nervous. And other times…they go silent, but THAT IS OKAY. The last relationship I was in, I was not the first one to say I love you, but I also panicked and did not say it back they first time they said it to me. I'm pretty sure I blacked out and said something like, "You too!! hahaahahHAHHAHAHA," before backing out of the room and sprinting home as if I'd never met the person before. How is this reassuring, you ask? Because I was very in love with him and had been for quite some time. Sometimes people are caught off guard and don't know what to say.
How long should I wait for them to?
Even though my partner said "I love you" first, I was sure to be the next one to say it, because if you tell someone you love them multiple times before they say it back to you even once, there is a way bigger issue at hand. Say it once, give a month, and then reassess. A month is a long enough time, especially if you already felt you were at the "love" point a month ago, for them to decide if this is right for them or not. Anything past that, and they are wasting your precious time.
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