So you caught feelings for your friend’s significant other, but you don’t want to be a bitch

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So you caught feelings for your friend’s significant other, but you don’t want to be a bitch

You didn’t mean for this to happen

Okay, so this sounds pretty bad. But in your defense, you didn't intend to develop a massive crush on your friend's significant other! It just sort of…happened? I mean, you spent hours and hours with them. You hung out with them literally every weekend, discussed your favorite TV show with them, and learned a lot about their personal life. Granted, they were holding your friend's hand the whole time. And you KNEW in the back of your head that they were off-limits — duh!

And yet, here you are. Head over heels in love with someone who is not only already in a relationship, but in a relationship with your FRIEND. This is…awkward, to say the least. What on earth is a girl supposed to do?

Consider how much this friendship matters to you

Before you do anything, you need to think about your friend. If this is a friend who you really care about, then you need to put yourself in her shoes for a minute and think about how she would feel. Sure, an all-consuming crush can definitely cloud your better judgment, but you need to SNAP OUT OF IT! How would you feel if your best friend started flirting with your partner right in front of you? Or worse, behind your back?

You'd feel pretty fucking pissed, I assume. Betrayed, angry, disappointed, and hurt beyond belief. You need to seriously ask yourself — how much does this friendship matter to you? And is this person REALLY worth losing your friend over? Like, you really couldn't find ANYONE else on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, etc…? If you realize that you actually want to maintain this friendship, then you need to back off. Keep your interactions with your friend's partner cordial and polite. Do not initiate flirtation and do not reciprocate flirtation. Just don't do it!

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Wait until after they break up to do anything

Again, let's go back to the first step: just think about how your friend would feel! Even though she broke up with her partner, she probably still has some lingering feelings for them. And she will DEFINITELY be at least a little pissed at you if you start dating their ex. So again, you need to ask yourself — is this worth losing a friendship over? Because even if your friend isn't pissed pissed, she definitely isn't going to be over the moon with joy that you're dating her ex.

That being said, what if your friend isn't actually…your friend? Like, what if this is just an acquaintance from high school or a coworker at the job you just started? Well then, you can feel a little less guilty about the whole thing. I mean, don't try to steal their partner away from them while they're still dating! But if they were to ever break up organically, then well…maybe that's your chance to swoop in.

Talk about it with your friend

Alright, hear me out! This applies even if this "friend" isn't really your friend. If you've already done all of the above — put yourself in her shoes, waited until they broke up — and you STILL want to get with your friend's partner, then the first thing you need to do is talk about it with your friend. Eeep! I know, I know. It's terrifying, and the LAST thing you want to do. But it's so so important. Because word is going to come out eventually (it always does, one way or another). And for your friend's sake, it's going to sound a lot better coming out of your mouth rather than someone else's.

Look, it doesn't have to be an awkward conversation. You don't have to frame it as asking for permission (because you're an autonomous human being and you don't need permission to date someone), but rather as a heads up just so your friend isn't totally shocked when they see you making out with their ex at a party. Keep the convo brief and to-the-point. Your friend might not like it and she might even react immaturely, but it's ultimately the best thing for you to do. You did what you had to do; she'll get over it eventually. And if she doesn't, well…good thing you followed Step One and assessed how much this friendship matters to you, right?

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@nian_hu