How to flex on your ex this Thanksgiving, because that’s what the holidays are for

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How to flex on your ex this Thanksgiving, because that’s what the holidays are for

The meal is an add-on

I know Thanksgiving is meant to be a time when we count our blessings, but we’re usually too busy counting the number of exes who used the holiday as an excuse to blow up our phones. We’re home, they’re home, so we might as well “catch up” and see how they’re doing, even thought we both know this “catch up” will consist of precisely 1 percent catching up and 99 percent catching old feels.

So, whether you’re still into them and want to win them back from some new college fling, “moving on” but hopeful, or “over them” but hoping to flex on ’em, here are a few ways to remind them they’ll never find someone like you:

Stalk them in advance

Despite begging your family to allow you to stay put for Thanksgiving, you’ve been guilted into returning home, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. So, you might as well have some fun, right? Well, maybe. If your definition of fun consists of meeting up with someone who broke your heart, you might want to do some IG homework first. Why? Because, chances are, your ex will meet up with you regardless of whether they’re in a relationship, so to ensure you remain in charge of the situation, you’ll want to know exactly how available their heart is atm.

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Show a complete change in character (and style)

This seems…pretty obvious, but it bears repeating, so I’m just going to leave it here to remind you. The last time you saw this person was likely months ago, and in some cases, a year or so. If and when you two had a thing, you likely saw one another close to every day, so this might be the longest they’ve gone without seeing you, and a lot changes about a person when you don’t lay eyes them every day. Clothing, of course, and physique, perhaps. But more importantly, personalities change, and you’ll want to use this opportunity to prove you’ve gained confidence in yourself, and the people around you have picked up on it. And a new outfit never hurts.

Act like you literally have not thought about them

It’s tempting upon returning home to be the one who reaches out first. It’s the first day of school or work break, and you haven’t heard from them, so you figure it couldn’t hurt. Do not give in to this temptation. They will reach out to you, because they always do. When they do, do not become immediately available to them. Tell them you have a lot on, but you’re sure you could squeeze in some time to meet up. This will leave them wondering if you’re spending all your other spare time talking to someone else.

Do not be the drunkest person at the bar

The night before Thanksgiving is the biggest night for drinking in America, so if you do meet up with this person, chances are it’ll be at a bar, either just the two of you, or surrounded by your entire graduating class. I don’t care if you’re in a sorority now, or can out drink everyone at your work, this is not the time to show that off. You’re going to end up making a fool of yourself in front of someone you came here to impress, not repel. A glass of wine to loosen up is fine, but you might want to turn down shots.

Avoid delving into detail

While it can be tempting to reach out first, it can be equally tempting to text your ex and tell them all about all the new person you’re hanging out with just to flex on their depressed ass, but it’s just going to make you look desperate. Wait for them to come to you, and be ~easy breezy~ about it.

And just remember, even if all else fails, you can always get yourself off to flex on them.

@carolinephinney

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