This extra-chunky cow is a big moo-oood
I’m udderly disinterested in anything that’s not bread
Pop quiz! What cures that inexplicable dread-knot that lives in your throat every holiday season? Is it:
A) Talk therapy
C) Eating Betty Crocker cake frosting straight from the can using your finger as a shovel to cram it in your face-hole
Obviously eating is the correct answer! Just ask Big Knickers, a ginormous she-cow more famous than I'll ever be. Waddling around at more than 3,000 pounds, the chooonky legend is (unofficially) Australia's biggest bovine ever. She's big and beautiful and makes me feel way better about the Seamless-related crimes I committed last weekend.
Look at this gentle giant amongst her peers:
I know this word gets thrown around a lot but it's never held more meaning from me: same.
Give Up Now: Experts indicate 2019 will be the worst year yet for the worst reason yet
God hath forsaken us
by Amanda Ross
I wish I had good news for you. I wish I could look you in the eye through the webcam malware I definitely didn't install on your computer when you clicked on this and tell you everything's going to be just fine. But that would be a lie. No, I'm so sorry but 2019 is…
So we all just missed Paris Hilton dressing up as a SEXY FURBY, huh?
She did the impossible and made Furbies sexy
by Nian Hu
The early 2000s are making a comeback, y'all, and you know what that means! Get out your tube tops, velour tracksuits, and denim skirts — it's time for a blast from the past.And if you're ready to feel REALLY old, then let me call your attention to the Furby. Yes, the one and only Furby!…
This 500-year-old skeleton will win next season’s Drag Race
And I’m NOT talking about your mom
by Amanda Ross
My mind is racing with all the bad jokes I can make right now! Currently, I'm torn between: Slay while you get slayed (slain, I guess?) and Madonna looks amazing here. Archeologists unearthed a 500-year-old skeleton wearing thigh-high leather boots! Work bitch!Other outlets less reputable than babe dot net have been quick to call the…