‘I used to think every relationship was forever’: Skoop describes the ups and downs of sharing a prison cell with your girlfriend
You end up feeling smothered
Skoop is babe.net’s prison correspondent. She’s currently incarcerated in SCI-Muncy, a maximum security women’s prison in Pennsylvania. She loves flirting, cooking and trap music. She’s also a writer and she sends her columns to us by letter. Her nickname, as she likes to say, is Skoop because she scoops up all the girls, but right now, she's focused on just one. She’s here to talk about what her life on the inside is like — and if you’re smart, you’ll listen.
This week she writes about sharing a cell with your girlfriend in prison.
We all know there are pros and cons to living with someone you're dating, even if you're in love with them. But in prison, you have limited space, so it's a lot more complicated than that. We bicker, argue and fight, because who doesn't? But when you need space and time to get over an argument, you can't get it. This is particularly so when you need it most.
My girlfriend and I are in very tight quarters, controlled by the corrections officers who are constantly telling us when we can eat and shit…not sexy. But I've lived with numerous women I was in a relationship with, so I know it's possible. But it's a question of for how long. It's always good in the beginning, kind of like relationships outside prison. It's the honeymoon phase — no arguments, very few disagreements, and close to zero attitudes. You think this is the one, you can't believe how well it's going. Everything is sweet and romantic as can be. In real life, sometimes this stays, and sometimes it fades, but in prison, it fades faster.
Relationships here are less about love, and more about choice. It's up to us to determine whether this is a relationship that can work in present circumstances. I used to think every relationship was forever, but I'm smarter than that now. If it works "forever" it's because you worked through fights and arguments — you had space and time — but how do we access that?
Relationships here are so much more intense. You spend so much time with someone, you end up feeling completely smothered. Most times, they aren't being intentional about it, it's just what happens when you spend 90 percent of your day together, every day. Dealing with arguments is just harder. For me, I've learned to listen to music and play with my tablet when I feel like I'm starting to get angry. I don't want to say something hurtful, but it's nearly impossible to cool off.
We are only human, and humans have a habit of hurting one another and saying mean shit when we're mad. That doesn't mean we actually mean it.