You’re in the outback and this kangaroo slaps your girl’s ass. What do you do?
She’s not your girlfriend anymore, mate
by Nian Hu
You (22 M) are in a wonderful relationship with your girlfriend (21 F) of five years. You adore her to pieces and you intend to ask for her hand in marriage soon. She is your light, your universe, your everything. And one day she will be your wife and mother of your children.
You take her to the Australian outback for her 22nd birthday. You have long dreamed of this moment — watching the sun set at Uluru, sleeping together under the stars, and hearing the soft chuckles of the kookaburra awaken you from your slumber in the early hours of the morning. There is simply no other way to describe it. It is perfect. Your love for her grows stronger day by day. Nothing could possibly get in the way of your perfect relationship.
Or so you think.
Out of nowhere, a kangaroo bounds toward your girlfriend. But this is no ordinary marsupial. Towering above you, his body ripples with powerful muscles and bulging veins. You gaze with mingled fear and admiration at his cantaloupe-sized biceps, highly-defined delts, and massive traps. It's clear that he doesn't skip leg day. His enormous glutes and hamstrings throb with masculine energy. He looks at you and deliberately flexes his pecs.
This vascular creature lifts a well-developed muscular arm and slaps your girlfriend's ass. He stares you dead in the eyes. You feel cold beads of sweat trickling down your neck. How do you respond?
You weigh your options. On the one hand, you could fight him. You would almost certainly meet a brutal and gory death. But at least you would die a man of honor. Your girlfriend would weep over your grave. It would be a noble and righteous way to go.
What you end up doing instead, however, surprises even you. Before you know it, you are kneeling down before the kangaroo. Your entire body is supine on the ground. You hear your girlfriend asking you to get up and defend her honor, but you simply cannot. Bow before your swole king!