Today’s the anniversary of Taylor Swift and Karlie definitely maybe almost certainly making out!
I forgot how much I love this video
Hark! Maybe the poets sing of this glorious moment for centuries to come! Four years ago, on this most auspicious day, Taylor Alison Swift and Karlie Who Cares Kloss seemingly shared a passionate kiss at a 1975 concert. It birthed countless fan-fictions, conspiracy theories about their sexuality, and should be in all American history books but my attempt to lobby state education board meetings have been…fruitless thus far.
Revisiting 2014's so-dubbed kissgate is extra fun now because we have the Reputation song Dancing With Our Hands Tied to read into. And since I'm literally getting paid to sit here, I'm going to walk you through a line-by-line analysis! DWOHT is especially telling because it's the only ostensible breakup song on all of Reputation. The entire album is about falling in love through the noise and yet right there, tucked in so neatly, is a brutal breakup track. It opens with:
I loved you in secret
Obviously! Who has Taylor ever secretly dated? Exactly no one. She got maple lattes with Jake, was papped in the park with Harry, obnoxiously matched Calvin everywhere she went, and might as well have carved WE ARE HAVING SEX into Tom Hiddleston's chest with a screwdriver. Secretive this girl is not. But with Karlie…you can see how that would be hidden.
First sight, yeah, we loved without reason
They met at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show in 2013 and you can't open any app on your phone without getting smacked in the face with their extremely public and affection "friendship" since.
People started talking, putting us through our paces
And here we have Kissgate. See for yourself above, it's pretty fucking brazen! That's when everyone started buzzing that the virtually identical ladies were more than just gal pals, forcing Taylor to tweet this:
And it's particularly interesting that Taylor specifically mentions she's turning 25 (as opposed to just saying "my birthday present") because she references that age again in the song when she sings, "Oh 25 years old, how were you to know?"
We were dancing, dancing with our hands tied
Again, obviously! This doesn't just mean a doomed relationship, it means one in which you're completely unable to act freely. Their hands are tied behind their back and there's nothing they can do about it. Which brings us to the bridge. Taylor says if she could do it all over again, she'd still:
Kiss you as the lights went out
Yeah, I'll bet she would.