Pornhub is the only good website left on the entire Internet

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Pornhub is the only good website left on the entire Internet

I STAN PORNHUB

by Nian Hu

At this point, most of us have heard about Tumblr's infamous porn ban. Once a sex-positive haven replete with GIFs of skinny white people performing oral sex on each other, Tumblr has suddenly decided to permanently ban ALL adult content — including human genitals and "female-presenting nipples," whatever the fuck that means.

This is, obviously, bad news for all of us. Damn, I'll really miss those GIFs! Those black-and-white animations of cunnilingus really played a formative role in 13-year-old me's sexual awakening, you know? It's even worse news for all the sex workers, artists, and photographers who built massive followings and generated incomes from posting content on Tumblr.

And they're not the only one cracking down on sexually explicit content. YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and even PayPal are all well-known for censoring sex workers and artists who commit the fatal mistake of posting sexual content — or even worse, a female-presenting nipple. The horror! And thanks to FOSTA, a bill ostensibly designed to fight sex trafficking, Craigslist Personals and Backpage have also been removed, making it even harder for sex workers to work safely.

Fortunately, there is a single website left on the Internet that doesn't discriminate against sex workers and erotic artists — the one and only Pornhub.

In the wake of Tumblr's announcement, Pornhub made an announcement of their own.

"Tumblrs: Pornhub welcomes you with open arms," the official Pornhub Twitter account tweeted. "Curators: Customize your personal feed, create playlists, generate gifs and more. Creators: Upload videos, photos, gifs & share text posts to a massive audience. Earn revenue on your content."

Understandably, people were SHOOK by this announcement. After all, most people just go to Pornhub to get themselves off. Who knew that the porn website was also…a platform?? Where you can not only share content, but even make MONEY?

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"Wait so I can create an account as illustrator and post art galleries on Pornhub now?" a Twitter user asked.

"You could always upload art and photos," the Pornhub Twitter account responded. "You can create a curated stream and gain subscribers. Even launch a fan club and have people pay monthly for exclusive art, videos, and other perks."

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"I'm an author and write erotica," another Twitter user asked. "Can I use Pornhub like I did Tumblr to advertise, sharing the cover art, or a story sample?"

"You can use Pornhub for anything," the account responded. "In addition to video and photo, we have text posts your subscribers will get in their feeds."

Well, would you look at that! In an increasingly puritanical digital landscape, Pornhub is a beacon of hope. Perhaps one day in the distant future, people will be okay with the idea that we're all naked underneath our clothes. Yes, even women! With their female-presenting nipples and all.

This isn't the first time Pornhub has taken a stand against injustice. From the time they planted a tree for every 100 videos that were watched in the "Big Dick" category to the time they rebuked United Airlines for being the "most disgusting, unbelievable, and despicable people in the world," Pornhub has always been there to stand up for what's right.

Once again, Pornhub saves the day.

@nian_hu

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