Buff Kangaroo is dead! May this cultural icon and renowned girlfriend stealer rest in peace
On the bright side, you get your girl back
by Nian Hu
The world suffered a tragic loss this weekend. Roger the Buff Kangaroo, a cultural icon of Australia as well as a renowned lady killer, has died at the grizzled age of 12.
Despite his elderly age, Roger remained in peak physical condition. This 6'7" swole king sported powerful pecs and bulging biceps until the very end. In fact, this strapping creature was responsible for stealing the hearts of women all over the world — including more than one unfortunate man's girlfriend.
Lovestruck women all over the world posted heartfelt tributes to Roger on social media. "My dreams of going to Alice Springs to see Roger are now shattered," one heartbroken woman posted.
Another woman, who had the pleasure of meeting Roger in person, spoke about how lucky she was to "stroke him in his old age." How fortunate, indeed.
Rip to the world's most famous kangaroo :( my dreams of going to Alice Springs to see Roger are now shattered pic.twitter.com/x7sMmdYhJ2
— Stephanie (@Hubba__Bubba) December 8, 2018
— Andrea Johnston (@AJairwaves) December 8, 2018
Other women spoke at length about Roger's highly attractive physical appearance, calling him a "stunning specimen of male macropod" and a "handsome boy."
RIP Roger the Roo. A stunning specimen of male macropod. Condolences to Brolga and all at the Kangaroo sanctuary in Alice Springs. He died of old age a happy, content and much loved roo. He will be missed 😭💚 pic.twitter.com/1i4WjsNpKu
— Jenny Hallam (@72Hallam) December 9, 2018
The Kangaroo Sanctuary has posted the last pic they took of Roger. What a handsome boy he was. pic.twitter.com/k0d1VTCF1k
— Rita Panahi (@RitaPanahi) December 9, 2018
On the other hand, human men all over the world are breathing a collective sigh of relief, because they no longer need to worry about competing with this alpha male. No longer will men need to forbid their girlfriends from visiting Australia, lest they be seduced by Roger the Buff Kangaroo!
After the women have mourned sufficiently, perhaps they'll even return to their human boyfriend's (comparatively skinny and weak) arms. A tragic day for women everywhere, but a triumphant one for mankind no doubt.