Buff Kangaroo is dead! May this cultural icon and renowned girlfriend stealer rest in peace

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Buff Kangaroo is dead! May this cultural icon and renowned girlfriend stealer rest in peace

On the bright side, you get your girl back

by Nian Hu

The world suffered a tragic loss this weekend. Roger the Buff Kangaroo, a cultural icon of Australia as well as a renowned lady killer, has died at the grizzled age of 12.

Despite his elderly age, Roger remained in peak physical condition. This 6'7" swole king sported powerful pecs and bulging biceps until the very end. In fact, this strapping creature was responsible for stealing the hearts of women all over the world — including more than one unfortunate man's girlfriend.

Lovestruck women all over the world posted heartfelt tributes to Roger on social media. "My dreams of going to Alice Springs to see Roger are now shattered," one heartbroken woman posted.

Another woman, who had the pleasure of meeting Roger in person, spoke about how lucky she was to "stroke him in his old age." How fortunate, indeed.

Other women spoke at length about Roger's highly attractive physical appearance, calling him a "stunning specimen of male macropod" and a "handsome boy."

On the other hand, human men all over the world are breathing a collective sigh of relief, because they no longer need to worry about competing with this alpha male. No longer will men need to forbid their girlfriends from visiting Australia, lest they be seduced by Roger the Buff Kangaroo!

After the women have mourned sufficiently, perhaps they'll even return to their human boyfriend's (comparatively skinny and weak) arms. A tragic day for women everywhere, but a triumphant one for mankind no doubt.

@nian_hu