Why I want the boy I date to date other girls
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with either of us weighing up our options
Welcome to 2016 – where dating is kind of weird as fuck. Times have changed. I can’t imagine my grandmother liking a bunch of my grandad’s pictures and him sliding into her DM’s attempting to ‘Amazon Prime and Unwind’ and frankly, I don’t want to.
But it’s not all bad. We live in a time where we have a lot of freedom and choice, we don’t have to be married with kids by the time we’re 25 if we don’t want to. Being young is the perfect time to learn about yourself, meet people, make friends for life, get in debt, get out of debt, quit your job, travel the world, start a business, buy a goat, get rich, get your heart broken and then do it all over again with a Pina Colada in your hand. Time is precious, and that’s why I want my guy to date other people.
There is nothing wrong with ‘playing the field’, weighing our miscellanies in a sensible and practical manner like we would do with anything else in life, and we need to stop pretending there is. Guys have been doing it for years and loving life. When a guy you’re starting to date tells you he’s dating other girls a tinge of pride goes up in flames and most girls will either run for the hills or pretend that we’re OK with it for fear of looking ‘crazy’.
It’s worse if they don’t tell you because then you might end up on different pages and nobody wants to look like a fool in the end or worse, catch some unwanted feelings. Appreciate people that are honest and upfront. I know girls who would absolutely wouldn’t even consider dating someone who wouldn’t be exclusive to them, sort of ‘If they’re not loyal to me in the dating process how can I expect them to be loyal in an actual relationship?’ outlook.
I was once definitely that girl and that actually is a very popular Eastern European mentality. It is your prerogative to think that way and no one can tell you how to feel, but why should they be ‘loyal’ to you when you met two weeks ago?
We want to feel special and the best, ‘the only one’. And there is nothing wrong with that, it’s human. If we think about our culture we’ve been brought up to compete with each other for way too many trivial things- our thigh size, our popularity, how flat is your stomach compared to mine, what brands you wear and how many likes you get, the list goes on, and we don’t need to add male attention to it.
Not every relationship you will have is meant to be ‘the one.’ Life is very long and even though we all want happiness and love we need to stop focusing all of our energy into looking for a soulmate and spend more time searching through our soul. Finding yourself, who we are, what makes us happy and fulfilled.
This guy is also a person; he might not be sure you are 100 per cent right straight away and jump the gun even if you are ready to take the leap of faith. It doesn’t mean he’s not interested just maybe not there yet. It’s nothing to be offended by – it’s life and a relationship is a big commitment for the both of you. We’ve been brainwashed by romcoms into thinking the next guy we meet will definitely be our Hugh Grant but there is so much pressure to have that ‘perfect relationship’ from start to finish more often than not he just becomes Huge Crap.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with multi dating. You either do it or don’t, agree with it or disagree but it’s not wrong. As long as no one is getting hurt and everybody is clear on where they stand why not? Look at it this way.
If this guy is definitely right for you wouldn’t you want him to be 100 per cent sure he wants you over everyone else? After looking into all of his options? Surely you want to be in a relationship when you’re someone’s choice and not an option. You can spot those too early bred relationships a mile away – “Don’t want you going out without me”, “I don’t want you to go out with the lads”, “My boyfriend thinks we should have a joint Facebook account”, “Let me have your password babe”, “Show me your receipts”. Cringe.
If someone’s going to stray, they will do it whether in a relationship or not. Why not allow the time for the things to move freely if they will move at all, again, they just might not. You can’t make someone be with you so whether you ‘claim’ someone from day one won’t make a difference in the long-term, you might as well pee on them to mark your territory too.
As far as I’m concerned we are both single when we’re dating. It certainly doesn’t apply to people who are in an actual official relationship – cheating isn’t dating and dating isn’t cheating.
To me it means people getting to know each other and it doesn’t necessarily mean sleeping together, not at all. But if you want to more power to you. You should decide what’s right for you personally but staying safe and cautious is obviously important. Your health is your priority and nobody should feel awkward to ask questions and lay down the law of how it’s going to work for the both of you. You’re an adult and you can do what you want, so whether you’re after Samantha Jones or Bridget Jones type of dating don’t let the hormonal brain fog cloud your healthy judgment to pretend you’re happy with something you’re not.
Bottom line is do DATE. Don’t get stuck in situations you don’t really want to be in. Meet people. Live life. Do what makes you happy and appreciate that other people have the right to do that to.