I used lines from The Bachelor on Tinder and guys loved it

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I used lines from The Bachelor on Tinder and guys loved it

Fine, some of them were also very confused

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. That’s right — Bachelor season. The time we all gather together with our wine (or popcorn, I guess) and sit patiently awaiting the glorious drama that is Bachelor Nick and his women.

But this season, I wanted to take the drama off my TV and try get the full Bachelor experience in my day-to-day life. Nick’s season, as far as the first episode goes, has been filled with both funny and cringe-worthy introductions, so I tried using the girls’ best out-of-the-limo pick up lines (or the most suitable version of them) on Tinder.

“I just wanted to let you know that before this I finished setting up my fantasy teams, but the only plays I want to make this season are for your heart”

Tinder response: “I applaud”

One point for me, then

 

“How crazy do you think I am?…It’s so nice to meet you. Honestly, I feel like I’m meeting a celebrity. I’ve watched you on my TV for the past 3 years. You’re taller than I thought. Good luck meeting the rest of your girlfriends”

Tinder response: “?”

That was pretty long introduction for him to only respond with a question mark

 

“Before coming, all my girlfriends were like ‘No, he’s a complete piece of shit.’ But I don’t believe them, or anyone else who thinks that, otherwise I wouldn’t be here”

Tinder response: “Do your girlfriends know me? Lol.. Lets prove them wrong ;)”

Yes, let’s indeed

 

“So I’ve heard your past relationships have been lemons, but let’s see if we can make lemonade”

Tinder response: “Hahaha. You have a spay network in place for espionage, do you? ;) I’ve been fortunate to have been involved with a host of wonderful women in healthy, nourishing, growth-positive relationships. I just vastly prefer “best” to “good”! So journalism, photography, and editing? I was a journo for quite a while both here and overseas. What got you into to? What indie you been listening to lately? What else shines about you??”

I’m worried he’s not over his exes

 

“For me, trust is very important, so we’re going to do a trust fall.”

Tinder response: “You can fall on me as much as you want.”

As a generally clumsy person, this was good to know

 

“I am from Alaska, so I wanted to give you an eskimo kiss”

Tinder response: “Buuut What’re the chances we have sex”

I’m just going to give him a hard pass

 

“I know you’ve done this before, so I just wanted to help get some things off your plate now. So, I brought a friend with me. We went over a few rings. This was my favorite. Size 5. So, we got that out of the way”

Tinder response: “Haha! And I have to get something off my chest.. Are you a beaver? Cuz… Damn”

At least he’s not afraid of commitment?

 

“I don’t want to make you any more nervous, but do you know what a girl wearing underwear says? Neither do I”

Tinder response: “Lol what are you doing?”

What am I doing in life? Or right now? Or with this message?

 

“I know you are very in touch with your sex life. Have you seen the breasts? They are real”

Tinder response: “Say what?? Were you just being very naughty in German?”

Yes, yes I was

 

“I can’t believe this moment is finally here. This journey is about to be so crazy, and I’m here for you. So this is for you, it is a hug token, and I want you to come find me later to cache it in”

Tinder response, after I sent a cat GIF as the “token”: “I think they’re doing a little more than hugging there, Maggie”

But how else would cats hug?

 

“My name is Vanessa. And, I’m very happy to be here with you. You’ll have to come find me later inside to get the translation”

Tinder response: “Hi Maggie, I know a little bit of French haha…Who’s your favorite musician?”

Tinder boys who ask about your taste in music (and ignore your crappy pickup line) are the best kind of boys

 

“So I wanted to bring you something. I love giving people homemade gifts. My dad has been making maple syrup for years…So if things get sticky with the other girls, you can come find me”

Tinder response: “So I see we share a mutual appreciation for dad style jokes lol”

Who said I was joking about my dad? Danielle sure wasn’t

 

“Whooooo! Pig suey! My name is Raven, and I’m from Arkansas, so every time something exciting happens, we call the hogs”

Tinder response: “Lmaoo”

Lmaoo? Laughing my ass off off?

 

“I’ve watched your journey. You’ve been through a lot, and I really give it to you. You have some balls. And, so do I”

Tinder response: “What is that…am i gonna be on ur tumblr now or something”

Tumblr? You mean The Tab. But also, smart guy

 

“I was wondering if I could listen to your heart. Typically, I ask my patients to take their shirts off”

Tinder response: “That can work out. I don’t really like wearing a shirt anyways…Do you moonlight as a doctor or a heart whisperer?”

I’m 99% convinced he made up the job ‘heart whisperer’

 

“I thought maybe I could give you a little beard massage”

Tinder response: “Lol please do.”

Get yourself a man who doesn’t think twice about the awkwardness of a beard massage

 

“I know you’re dating lots of other women, so I just want to make sure that you’re clean okay? So I’m gonna need you to turn around, okay? And bend over”

Tinder response: Happy new year Maggie… how are you?… Lool… Okay doctor lol… How are you today?”

I think this poor guy was just genuinely confused

 

“I hear you like a good hump, and so do I”

Tinder response, after my camel GIF: “You heard im a good hump but u haven’t seen it yet… Maggie!… Btw just once I’d like to actually get humped since it’s hump day”

The more you read hump over and over again, the weirder it sounds

“I dolphinately can’t wait to talk to you more inside”

Tinder response, after my dolphin emoji pun: “Hey… That’s great”

I’m just grateful he didn’t try to make the dolphin sexual

I honestly don’t know how these women do it. Not only were these some of the most cringe-worthy pickup lines I’ve ever heard, but after using some of these lines in real life, I had no idea how to continue the now very awkward conversation.

Here’s to hoping Nick can see through the cheesiness of some of his first interactions with the girls. In the meantime, I’m going to keep swiping right with the classic “Hey, what’s up?” as my introduction.

@Maggie_Fisch

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