I changed my Tinder and acted like a guy does


babe  • 

I changed my Tinder and acted like a guy does

I think I’m scarred for life

Tinder. It’s a millennial concept – an app that lets you decide a potential future partner based on their attractiveness alone.

And things haven’t even changed since the app first came out. It’s full of overly sexual lads who think girls only want their dick without knowing anything about them at all.

So I decided to put it to the test: if I reversed the situation, and acted like they did towards them, would they love it, or would they run away disgusted?

I was hoping for the latter.

First I had to create my profile.

It’s obviously important: this is the only tool I have on my mission to score. Every fuck boy knows that to score a girl he needs an over-the-top profile to show off his cool guy image, or at least to make his boring life look the least bit interesting. So I found some classic trends among the lad-ish profile and re-created them myself.

The group pic

It’s infuriating – you don’t even know who you’re swiping for.

The pet pic

You want girls to think you’re cute, but in reality, it’s just your pets.

The topless pic

For obvious reasons I couldn’t do it the other way round.

The “I’m a sweet guy” pic

Because I have a guitar (which I can’t play. It’s been sitting in my bedroom unused for 10 years). Because girls fall for that, especially when I stare off into the distance.

The pic that shows I’m really cool and well-cultured

Look at this first world country I’ve been to. But hey, at least I’ve traveled, right?

The candid

Which shows I have a really cool life, and you deffo wanna be a part of it.

Then came the bio, which was pretty easy to compile based on the Tinder profiles I’d already seen.

It goes as followed:

– Height (because that’s really important apparently)

– A statement that shows I’m a lad, and I’m only on Tinder for sex

– Something derogatory about someone else’s physical appearance and personality that shows I’m a picky bastard

– Obviously my Snapchat, because I want the nudes

But of course, this experiment wouldn’t go to plan unless I tested it on boys themselves. I can’t call them men, because based on the responses they simply can’t have a spec of maturity in them.

My opening lines consisted only of openers that I’d received myself previously. The rest was up to my creative mind.


No dates for this pair of lads

You okay there, Josh?

I think using chat up lines I’ve already received only works sometimes…

Give it to me

He later gave me his Snapchat

Gotta get that cheesy pick up line in

Beat me to you – damn you

The Romantic

orrrrrrrrrrrr maybe not

He actually read my bio… and liked it

You have to deal with disappointment with a lad like me

Don’t believe all you believe on the internet

I do not, in fact, play guitar. I’ve decieved you

In other words, ‘Do you have time to come over?’

He wasn’t in the festive spirit

I tried to beat the classic lad with the overuse of emojis

But he was too much of a lad to be seduced by me

Lots of kisses and smirky faces

But this was too much for me


He was my favourite.

To conclude, this is ridiculous, isn’t it? I mean, they actually fell for it. I acted obscene and disgusting and they really enjoyed it. I would have had several one night stands if I’d wanted to, which, of course, I didn’t.

And they didn’t even want to know anything about me. All I had to do was say ‘Sex?’ and they were asking for my address.

And here I was thinking I’d give them a reality check.