All the signs that you’re a bad friend
If you’re reading this, you already know it’s you. Bitch.
University is a time for new beginnings, forging friendships that last forever. However, it is also the place where you can sleep a lot and be a flake 24/7.
If you’re not sure whether you’re the go to friend or the last port of call acquaintance, here is our handy guide to help you out.
You never remember their birthday
You may claim to have known your best friend Mike since you exited the womb, but in reality you have no clue when Mike exited the womb do you? Was it January the 6th or March the 12th?
Thank god Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook so you can check their ‘info’ and get a birthday message sorted. But if it wasn’t for that reminder on your phone you wouldn’t have even remembered to text the standard ‘HB mate’. Terrible.
You bail ALL the time
“Meet me at 10pm tomorrow yeah”. You know full well you will not be going to meet your friend at 10pm tomorrow, for you like the Grinch have an appointment with self loathing.
Of course you don’t tell them this till 9:59pm the next day because telling them in advance is TOO DIFFICULT. You, my friend are a flake.
You fail to reply to any messages
56 texts? 7 facebook messages? 6 mixed calls? But replying to them is just so 2009 isn’t it. Actually making contact with your friends is a bit too much for you. Maybe its ok if you just read and not reply? Or maybe you’ll just read and reply in 5 days?
Who knows, but you are definitely keeping them on their toes. Seriously a hello isn’t that hard.
You are not a reliable instagram liker
Everyone’s best friend is supposed to be their first liker, it’s the first rule of the book,right? How is it you fail to do it?
You realise 6 weeks later you’ve missed all of their recent posts and do a mad dash of a catch up. But that just isn’t the same, for true support is when you double tap 3 seconds after the photo has gone live. You traitor.
You don’t share your chewing gum with them
You know full well you have a good 50 pieces remaining in that little pot in your bag. But you just can’t bring yourself to share them with your friend, this friend that has held your hair whilst you have nearly died in a toilet – and you just can’t do it.
How is this ok? It’s not. But you paid money for the pot, and you want every piece.
You fail to be a good photographer for them
A true friend is one who hangs off a wall to help their mate get that perfect new instagram for their theme. Do you manage to be the next Mario Testino for them? No you don’t and its either because 1. you can’t be arsed or 2. you really can’t be arsed.
But seriously, I’ve taken a good 50 of you? I’m not going to do anymore.
You give out bad advice
You try your best you really do. But encouraging your mate to swill the girl that snaked her out in the bar really isn’t a good idea is it? Encouraging them to text their ex at 2am on a Monday evening (drunk) really isn’t a good idea. And telling them downing their drinks is a good idea really isn’t is it?
You don’t really read the screenshots of arguments properly, so when they ask ‘what should I reply?’ the reply you give them really shouldn’t have ever been sent.
You are a bad influence
Yes, I promise you it’ll be super funny if we put a firework in your arse and light it, and yes it will be really funny if you take your bra off on the dance floor. But you know it’s not – something about it seems like a good idea at their expense. You are the worst and each time they follow.
You wander in the club
The squad rocks up together however the squad spends the last hour frantically searching the sticky floors of a blacked out club in the hopes of finding you, the lost soul that yet again has decided to go on an adventure and not told them. Look at the stress you have caused them! You’ve nearly ruined their night! But next week you’ll do it again.
You never pay them back
You are probably in about £200 worth of debt with your mates. And each time you say ‘can you get me this one drink and I’ll legit pay you back?’ you and they know they won’t be getting that back until the end of 2018. Your mate Laura is basically your very own HSBC, what would you do without that loan?
To all the bad friends out there, make sure you are grateful that the good ones exist. Who else would we flake on or unintentionally sabotage. One day I’ll change, just not tomorrow or next week or next year. And yes, tomorrow at 10pm is great, see you there!
Disclaimer – this was not an indirect at anyone. It was a direct at Danielle Smith.
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