The psychology behind why we’re so obsessed with ‘hate-following’ people on Instagram

For some of us it’s our ex boyfriend, for some of us it’s Alexis Ren, and for a lot of us it’s both . . . plus a whole bunch more.

Whether we actually “follow” them or not, we’re all guilty of hate-checking-in-on the occasional person or two. Often, we’re so obsessed that we don’t even actually follow them. We don’t want them — or other people — knowing we’re checking in, so we individually search their name every time we want to look at their feed.

But why do we all do this? Every post we see from them irritates us. They have a new girlfriend, they’re naturally thin and we know we’ll never look like that, or their hair always falls so perfectly into goddamn place.

(No dig, Alexis. You look incredible.)

But it’s true that most of us will never look like this. So wouldn’t we feel better if we just stopped comparing ourselves, and holding ourselves up to such unrealistic expectations? Why don’t we just hit ‘Unfollow’, or try and stop our fingers from automatically typing their name into the search bar every time we pick up our phones?

According to Dr Lesley Prince, a psychologist who’s specializes in group dynamics, “It’s easier to define ourselves negatively than it is to do so positively.

“Judging others when we’re in a group helps us to identify ourselves in that group.”

And while it’s true we’re not necessarily in a “group” with someone because we’re following them on social media, whether they follow us back or not, we’re gaining access into their life that we wouldn’t have otherwise, thus making us feel a part of it.

We see what they have that we don’t — the very reason it’s called “hate-following” — and it helps us to identify where we stand in our own relationships.

Prince suggests that eventually we begin to attempt to imitate these people, as a way of mirroring their success. When we want to establish ourselves in a higher social standing in our own personal groups, we do so by mimicking what we have previously identified as success.

So next time you’re hating yourself for hitting follow on that Instagram model, or scrolling through your ex boyfriend’s new crush’s feed for the millionth time, know that it’s all part of the glow-up.

It can, of course, be unhealthy when we become obsessed with the idea of change, but desiring small change is nothing to be embarrassed about. We all have aspirations.

@carolinephinney