A theory: Literally all of the women in Made in Chelsea are the same person
Now hear me out
OK admittedly, the posh girls of West London aren’t a particularly diverse group of people. The 20-somethings of Chelsea – the well-to-do of London in general – are invariably white, invariably blonde and invariably swing between petty and entertaining to mind-numbingly boring to talk to. So it makes sense that Made in Chelsea reflects that. But there’s a limit.
There was once a time of Made in Chelsea, especially the girls of Made in Chelsea, being slightly less of an amorphous mass of expensive highlights and ironic faux fur. Remember? There was Lucy if-the-wind-changes-you’ll-stay-that-way Watson, and impossibly huge haired awkward Cheska, christ there was even Funda.
But the new series of the show has ushered in a new generation of girls, and I am convinced – convinced – that they’re all played by the same person, wheeled out from a West(London)world type factory to entertain the masses by pretending to be annoyed that one of the boys has decided to get off with someone who looks exactly like them but is somehow, we must understand, different.
Exhibit A: The girls are rarely, if ever for some, filmed together. If they are, they’re often filmed screaming at each other, so the audience is distracted by the drama. This is because the main plotline of Made in Chelsea is based around the premise that women should, and do, naturally hate each other as they struggle to compete for the supposedly dwindling commodity in London – boring posh blokes with bad hair. While we’re watching the screaming then, the creators of the show could realistically have filled in the other girls with extras or used CGI to duplicate them. I’m just saying, it’s a theory.
Exhibit B: The dwindling screentime of any women other than the potentially-robot new characters. Binky appears rarely, only there to stare off into the distance and talk in a monotone voice about how she’s definitely excited to have this baby with JP. Louise appears to stare off into the distance and talk in a monotone voice about how she’s definitely not being held prisoner by her Tarzan esque fitness obsessed boyfriend. Rosie sometimes listens to these soliloquies and presumably when the director points to her she nods sagely. Steph is still there, for some reason, nobody knows why.
Why the sudden pull back of the main/original characters? Some people will argue it’s because they’re literally nearly 30 now and haven’t got much left to offer to show by way of drama. But that’s just what the powers that be want you to believe. Really, it’s because they’re being replaced by cheaper, robotic, characters, all played by the one actress, there to entertain us for a fraction of the production costs for the foreseeable future/until Trump’s nuclear winter claims us all.
It’s a stretch, sure, but weirder things have happened. Remember when this guy was on the show?
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