I spent a weekend hitting on guys and it was scary but worth it

It’s a sad reality of today that most bars are packed to the brim with solitary bodies, accompanied only by the blue glow of a “wyd?” text. I know I sound like a traitor to my generation, but holy shit are we slaves to the bubbles in our phones — me included.

So as a part of my new “I’m going to attempt to meet people in person” persona, I realized unless I started making moves myself, nothing was ever going to happen — I’d remain in a contact-less vacuum until either my ovaries dried up or I started caring about things like mortgages.

Ask anyone and they’ll tell you they go to the bars because of the faint promise of an exhilarating encounter, or a new friend gained — otherwise we’d just drink at home, right? But the second someone actually walks up to us, we shoot our friend a crisis glance that can only spell out “Who the fuck does this guy think he is?”

Because, you know, who does this guy think he is?

For a week I decided to put myself in ‘that guy’s’ shoes

Props to the ones who do it — and to the ones who don’t, I now understand why. It was terrifying, and I’m convinced it took a few years off my life.

babes drink babe, right?

Day one

Because bars are usually most packed from Thursdays on, I decided to round my week a bit differently. And of course, it’d seem weird to do this alone, so I relayed the plan to my friends, and luckily they were more than on board to come along and watch me make a massive fool of myself.

Bar: Night of Joy

I started at one of my favorite old Tinder haunts, only this time I’d be swiping left and right in person. A typical “date bar”, I wasn’t sure if I’d luck out or strike out, but as it’s a bar I frequent often, it only felt right to begin my journey there.

After making my way to the back, through hordes of first-date couples asking one another questions about siblings and hobbies, I spotted my first victim. Accompanied only by a worn-down copy of something or other, he seemed like the kind of guy who came to bars alone in the hopes of this happening.

After about half a drink too many, and a few awkward questions about whether he “comes here often”, I scribbled my number onto a napkin and dashed out with some lame excuse about “work the next day.”

Guy one

Outcome

I don’t think I’ll message him again, but I’d made it through my first attempt, and I was only warming up.

Just as I thought my luck had run out, new luck walked in. And since I’d already made a fool of myself once in this bar, it didn’t seem I could lose anything from trying again.

Guy two

Outcome

Fuckboys always wait until Friday, but I do plan on looking into whether he’s free this week.

Day two

Weekends are for lovers…or something. And where do lovers go? Well, they pregame at dive bars, and then hit the clubs. Luckily, we were able to start at a rooftop bar — scenic and perfect for a potentially romantic encounter.

This time I was dressed, ready and had the confidence of cheap alcohol on my side.

Bar: Berry Park

At the first bar we hit, I decided to tell people I was new to town in the hopes they might take pity and invite me out. It worked.

Guy three

Outcome

There was still work to be done, so we decided to head somewhere a bit rowdier and try our luck there. However, he’s definitely date material, so it will be interesting to see it he follows up later this week.

Bar: Northern Territory

I’ll admit I almost blacked out while giving this particular guy my number, but he apparently thought I was “cute”, so there’s something. I was starting to become convinced I’d never turn down a guy in person again.

Guy four

Outcome

We’ve been talking every day since.

Day three

By Sunday I had four dates lined up, and was ready for a brunch with girls — and girls only. But, as they do, this brunch devolved into a drunken day party, and I eventually convinced myself the waiter was cute. So did everyone else.

My friend and I asked guy five out together

Can we count this as four-and-a-half dates?

Outcome

I’ve never really thought about going on a three person date, but we agreed if the wine was free and it was good, we might look into it. If I’ve learned anything in my 22 years, it’s never say no to pre-drinks.

I don’t think I’ll stop doing it any time soon

A few guys were a bit less into it, and one guy just wanted Instagram followers, but what I did learn is that most people are more into being confronted in person than I thought. There’s something hot about a person who isn’t afraid of being shut down.

There’s also something hot about how you feel when they don’t shut you down. It’s like a high you won’t come down from. You know, until they send you a dick pic or some stupid shit.

@carolinephinney