‘Leading someone on’ isn’t a real thing, sorry

Men always make it go hand-in-hand with the friend-zone. They thought we wanted to date them or fuck them or whatever, but because women are shrieking harpy bitch-demons, we never wanted any of that — we just wanted to let them think that. Right? Riiiiight?

There's no such thing as leading someone on. Yes, actual emotional manipulation is a thing that happens, but that's almost never the case. Think of it as you plugging your headache into the Web MD symptom tracker. Yeah, I guess it could be brain cancer, but it's probably definitely not. Being led on isn't about someone teasing you for the fun of it — it's about changing them changing their mind. I don't know if you've heard, but that's something everyone's allowed to do.

Pretty much every "they lead me on" situation I've ever heard about or been involved in comes down to a castles-in-the-air situation in which the one who thinks they've been played is so desperate for something to happen, they interpret every interaction as direct and incontrovertible proof that the person they like wants them back. Every single non-male person you know has been on the receiving end of this diatribe:

"If you didn't want to hook up/date, why were you so nice to me? You lead me on!"

I am an instinctually nice and friendly person — like, I'm literally from the Friendship State. If my intention was to hook with everyone I was ever nice to, I'd probably develop a horrific jaw deformity from the sheer number of dicks I'd have in my mouth on any given day.

Now let's say someone is actually sending you serious romantic vibes and maybe even talking about getting together — and then one day, they take it back. Again, not a you-lead-me-on situation. Someone just changed their mind. You probably are great and cute and they probably really did want to go out some time! Well, until they didn't. I know it's hard to accept, but that doesn't mean something disingenuous happened.

The "you lead me on" blame game isn't just annoying as fuck — it actively demonizes people (read: women) for having feelings. We're all low-key (read: high-key) afraid of retribution (read: murder) when we reject men, so I'm thinking now is the perfect time to lay this age-old trope to rest.

Or maybe you just weren't that cute.