Stop assuming virgins don’t know anything about sex
Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I’m a prude
by Idalis Payne
Virginity — the social construct could almost make or break you in a world of hookups, baes, and unsolicited dick pics. I’m 20, going on 21, and have somehow managed to live a life without sex, romantic relationships, or even being kissed. I’m currently working on being cool with how life works, which means having to embrace this so-called “late bloomer” phase. If you would’ve told me five years ago that I’d be a single, unkissed virgin I probably wouldn’t have believed you.
At this point, I’m at the halfway mark to actually being a 40-year-old virgin, so anything is possible. There’s nothing wrong with being a “late bloomer”, and whoever decided that subjectively important firsts were supposed to be accomplished by a certain age can fuck all the way off. I haven’t had sex because I’d prefer to be in a relationship with someone that I know and trust. Masturbation is also a wonderful thing and self-love is important. A partner may disappoint, but you can never disappoint yourself.
Being a virgin can be a little weird at times
Not because of the supposed shame that I’m supposed to feel for not having had sex, but because it’s often assumed that I don’t know a damn thing about it. Or, when I do actually engage in discussion about sex, people are then shocked to learn that I haven’t experienced it. The usual response ranges from a concerned “really?” to “but oh my gosh, you’re like, sooooo pretty!”
Both responses are equally annoying and piss me off. Why? Because they both negate my choice to not have sex. The second response literally relies on my physical appearance as if that’s the sole reason and determining factor as to whether or not I’m “worthy” enough to have sex, which is complete bullshit.
Virgins aren’t a different species
And although a new Harvard study has reported that millennials are engaging in hookup culture less, there have been a handful of times where I’ve felt shame because I haven’t done anything. In fact, one time during a party, one of my friends was completely shocked when I said I hadn’t ever made out with anyone, and the look on her face was one of disgust and heavy judgment. In short, it sucked.
As a woman, it’s moments like the one mentioned above when I feel like we can’t ever win. If we do too much we’re slut-shamed, and if we haven’t done enough people silently think “well, what the fuck are you doing?”
We virgins don’t live under rocks and we’re not some grand prize unicorn or some shit, we’re just people who haven’t had sex. And it’s totally normal. Virgins can be sexual beings without having had sex and just because I’m a virgin it doesn’t mean I’m a prude.
If you enjoy hooking up, keep doing you. Everyone should be able to define their own sexual experiences and not be shamed for it. Do whatever the hell you want, it’s your life. But please, if you meet someone who hasn’t had sex yet, don’t be an ass. Instead of writing us off as people who don’t know anything, maybe you should listen. You might learn a thing or two.