Let’s be honest, nothing kills the conversation faster than the heart emoji
I’ve had enough
by Julia Dezsoe
In a time where so many of our conversations take place on social media, certain strange-ass things have become completely normalized. Especially, the over-use and just bare abuse of an all-time-least favorite: the heart emoji. It works everywhere, it is the perfect substitute for any sort of reference to love, and, at the same time, it is also such an energy-saver, because who wants to type out ‘I love you’ when you could just press a button instead? But along with just its traditional meaning, the heart emoji has turned into so much more and so much of it I just don’t understand.
Is it inappropriate to send my drug dealer a heart emoji?????
— s (@summertimeflyy) May 27, 2017
Okay, we’ve all done it. You’re talking to your best friend, you’ve finally agreed on what to do – after debating for a good 20 minutes via passive aggressive messages – and then, after both writing “omg can’t wait, I’m so excited” you’re kind of stuck in that weird time in space where you’re having an ongoing conversation but there’s still time before meeting and you don’t have any idea what to say.
So, before it gets awkward, you quickly consult the panacea of all emojis. Send a cheeky heart, get one back, and you’re, once again, saved from awkwardness. But are you really? That would never work in the non-cyberspace world, because conversations don’t just end in hearts. Why can’t we just say bye? I swear saying bye isn’t awkward.
Here is another one I catch myself doing all the time, especially in texts to my mom (sorry, mom). You receive a text, someone found out you’ve been lazy or done something cheeky, and calls you out on it. Why explain yourself when you can just send a heart emoji and send them so much love they can’t be angry anymore. Although, deep inside, you know it won’t solve the conflict, at least you don’t have to deal with it at that moment. Meanwhile, the person receiving is probably going: “wtf is their problem” and, really, what is our problem? Why do we think that sending a simple heart will cure anything?
The Totally-Out-of-Context Heart
Another very practical way to use the heart emoji is when it makes no sense at all. There’s always that one person who drops the cheeky heart in the middle of a group chat when people are arguing and, honestly, why? Since when does that work? Just because you’re on chat it does not mean you can deny the situation. It’s not like when you’re hanging with your friends, and they get into a debate, you sit there holding up your hands in a heart shape. That is just not how life works, or real life as far as I’ve experienced.
im sorry i use every heart emoji when i talk to ppl i jut have so much love in my heart !! ????
— chloe!!!!! (@chloeannh1) June 1, 2017
And then there are those people who seem to love all and everything and end every sentence to you with a heart. So I’ll get a message saying “I found that pair of shorts you left at my house” HEART. Like, thank you, I’m glad you did, but why did you put a heart at the end of this. Did you love doing that? Do you love my shorts, or the act of searching for them? It makes no sense to me. Please, friend, I know you love me, I love you too, but we don’t have to end every sentence with a heart to make it look pretty.
Undeniably, I know we are all guilty of at least one of these absurd heart-emoji abuses because, ultimately, they make life easier. On the other hand, my grandma still doesn’t know that each emoji has a specific meaning and I can’t blame her because even just the heart emoji is so damn complicated. So just remember, kids, think of what you actually want to say and don’t just put a random heart because, at this point, I can’t quite decide whether the heart emoji has gone too far or I’m just not hip enough.
Why the fuck am I attracted to Post Malone?
An investigative report
by Katie Way
First of all, I just want to say that I am so fucking sorry. I know that doesn't really make it better, but I mean it.I think Post Malone is hot. When I see a picture of him, I don't just think, "Ah, an image of successful rapper Post Malone." I think, "Ah, an image…
Do we actually have high standards or do we just want to be treated like humans?
A question for the ages
by Jenn Ficarra
We live in a society that has set the bar disgustingly low. The standard for a good guy has become "he texted me back" and "he doesn't make me feel like sub-human garbage." Why are we praising minimal, humane, respectable behavior as being "relationship goals?" In an interview with The Atlantic, Professor Eli Finkel from…
Fuck playing hard-to-get
I’m over this bullshit
by Jenn Ficarra
When it comes to dating we're told, under no uncertain terms, that you should play hard to get. We need to be mysterious and hold our cards close to our chests. We need to play the game. Get more than you give. Make someone chase you. Be elusive. These are the rules by which we…