There’s finally a name for those of us who look happy 24/7 – it’s called the Golden Retriever Face
Crying because it’s true
by Una Dabiero
The Resting Bitch Face gets so much attention. Girls are always talking about how their faces naturally fall into an uninviting scowl that intimidates co-workers, potential friends, and men alike. Sure, this sounds like an awful fate – especially because women are “supposed” to present warm and inviting even if their legs are being chewed off by rabid dogs – but I know a fate that’s worse. The Resting Golden Retriever Face.
Total Sorority Move describes this sad, sick fate as having a face “stuck in a permanent smile. It is always content and calm, yet excited.” If you have a Resting Golden Retriever Face, you always look happy and inviting. You’re basically sitting there, begging co-workers and friends to come and unload all their tasks and problems on you.
Oh, Jenny has to choose someone in the office for a coffee run? It’ll definitely be the Golden Retriever Face! You just look so excited to cater to anyone and everyone. Oh, Sierra needs to choose a friend at the party to tell all about Jacob sneaking off with Peggy? It’ll definitely be you, Golden Retriever Face! You look much less scary than Becky and her cool, bitch-faced friends.
It’s tough to present as the nice girl all the time. Other girls get to be cool, intimidating, and mysterious. Other girls get to smize and look sexy. Other girls get to push the limits of who a woman can be and how she can act. You just get to be nice.
But ultimately, people love nice people. And Golden Retriever Face, you are pretty damn lovable. You can’t change your face, but you can change your attitude. Make sure people love you so much they’re fucking scared of you. Then, you have the best of both worlds.