We asked an expert: Is the best way to get over someone actually getting under someone else?
Finally, an answer to the age-old saying
by Jenn Ficarra
You've heard the old adage that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but is it actually true? Or are we just sticking a dick bandage over the hole in our heart?
According to best-selling author and relationship expert Susan Winter, it's complicated
For the one who was dumped, "rebound sex is a band-aid strategy." When you're dumped, you feel as though you're at a disadvantage and so "the first logical move is to regain one’s power and even the scales. This is why rebound sex feel tantalizing to the ego. It feels good to be sexually desirable—if not to our ex, then to someone else," Winter says.
As we all know, rebound sex isn't usually great sex. Sure, you might orgasm or have fun, but it's not going to be the mind-blowing, intimate connection sex that you're used to and crave. Winter warns that while rebound sex can be great "[it] can also have the boomerang effect — it's just as likely that we'll walk away feeling worse than before."
OK, so no rebound sex then? Avoid getting under someone else at all costs?
Well, not so fast. For some, Winter admits that rebound sex can be the remedy.
If the relationship you've left was passionless or you no longer have emotional attachment to that partner, "[rebound sex] may be the medicine that revitalizes us and renews our sense of possibility and adventure." It's possible that this kind of rebound sex can give us a chance to see ourselves in a new light, one our past partners didn't see us in, and give us newfound confidence.
Winter says the best way to actually move on is self-growth. Ugh
She recommends reading book, making art, seeing a therapist — anything that can help guide you through the breakup and make you see that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Get back into the habits you may have lost when you got into the relationship. Start working out again. If you want to lose those five pounds now is the time.
"Might as well look gorgeous," Winter says. "That's revenge in an of itself."
"A post fuck boy glow up is when you gather yourself after running around looking like the bullshit you were dealing with." –@QueenIttyBitty
— Torie. (@_noTORIEty) April 28, 2017
Go out. Do things. Get into a new routine and rhythm. Focus on yourself instead of hoping into bed with someone because you feel like you need revenge or validation. If that's the case, then don't do it, bitch!
Getting under someone might help you temporarily forget about the person who broke your heart but it's not the best method to getting over someone else. It might be cliche, but it's true — the best revenge is living well and having the best fucking glo up of all time.