So allegedly the ‘real’ apocalypse is coming this month, and I actually don’t even mind
We’re all doomed and I am so tired
by Jenn Ficarra
The apocalypse is nigh. There have been a few false alarms in the past — Planet X, 05/21/11, 12/12/12, etc. but this time it's "really here" and honestly?
I'm so tired that at this point IDC if I get raptured or whatever as long as it means I get some sleep. Even if it's in hell. Earth is exhausting.
According to my fellow conspiracy theorists, September 23, 2017 is the day of the "rapture."
Yes, that rapture, the one they talk about in the Bible that says "worthy Christians" will be lifted into Heaven while us unworthy shits are left on Earth to deal with the apocalypse by themselves.
There's a theory called Revelation 12 Sign that refers to a passage from the Bible — Revelation 12:1 — which says the following:
"And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of 12 stars."
Now, the passage doesn't say anything about September 23rd specifically but on September 23rd the constellations Leo and Virgo, along with various other planets, will align and thus bring about the destruction of us all.
These doomsday believers think the woman mentioned in the rapture verse represents the constellation Virgo whilst the crown of stars represents Leo. The moon represents the feet of Virgo and on September 23, the sun will pass through the constellation thus fulfilling the "clothed with the sun" part of the verse. AKA doom is upon us.
The only things to survive the apocalypse will be cockroaches, Twinkees, and Tom Selleck's mustache.
— Brian Moylan (@BrianJMoylan) September 18, 2017
Oh but the world won't end completely on September 23rd. Apparently this rapture is meant to usher in 7 years of torture and bring about the Antichrist so that should be fun.
It's kind of nice that the rapture waited to happen on a Saturday so we at least get one last Friday night of wild partying and debauchery before we're all doomed to eternal damnation, don't you think?
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Eyebrow waxing is a scam, sorry!
Somebody has to say it
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