So allegedly the ‘real’ apocalypse is coming this month, and I actually don’t even mind
We’re all doomed and I am so tired
by Jenn Ficarra
The apocalypse is nigh. There have been a few false alarms in the past — Planet X, 05/21/11, 12/12/12, etc. but this time it's "really here" and honestly?
I'm so tired that at this point IDC if I get raptured or whatever as long as it means I get some sleep. Even if it's in hell. Earth is exhausting.
According to my fellow conspiracy theorists, September 23, 2017 is the day of the "rapture."
Yes, that rapture, the one they talk about in the Bible that says "worthy Christians" will be lifted into Heaven while us unworthy shits are left on Earth to deal with the apocalypse by themselves.
There's a theory called Revelation 12 Sign that refers to a passage from the Bible — Revelation 12:1 — which says the following:
"And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of 12 stars."
Now, the passage doesn't say anything about September 23rd specifically but on September 23rd the constellations Leo and Virgo, along with various other planets, will align and thus bring about the destruction of us all.
These doomsday believers think the woman mentioned in the rapture verse represents the constellation Virgo whilst the crown of stars represents Leo. The moon represents the feet of Virgo and on September 23, the sun will pass through the constellation thus fulfilling the "clothed with the sun" part of the verse. AKA doom is upon us.
The only things to survive the apocalypse will be cockroaches, Twinkees, and Tom Selleck's mustache.
— Brian Moylan (@BrianJMoylan) September 18, 2017
Oh but the world won't end completely on September 23rd. Apparently this rapture is meant to usher in 7 years of torture and bring about the Antichrist so that should be fun.
It's kind of nice that the rapture waited to happen on a Saturday so we at least get one last Friday night of wild partying and debauchery before we're all doomed to eternal damnation, don't you think?
‘Cinderella Weight’ is a dangerous new diet trend Twitter is obsessed with, and it’s turned into a full-fledged panic
Yeah, please don’t try this
by Amanda Ross
You know, I really get the dieting thing. I'm definitely not as skinny as I was in high school, and I'd really like to looks like a lithe and even-stupider-than-I-am-now 16-year-old again. But even my dumb ass is too smart for this scary new weight fad that's taking over teen Twitter. Now, huge waves of…
Health YouTubers are now claiming you can cure any disease just by drinking your own piss
Including HIV, cancer, and broken bones
by Harry Shukman
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's a whole section of YouTube out there dedicated to the vile practice of urine therapy – drinking your own piss and slathering it over yourself for health benefits.It might sound like a lame joke but there are countless videos out there hosted by earnest, vegan-looking,…
Here’s why we need a White History Month
I salute my white walkers!
by Ari Bines
It's Black History Month, a time where we celebrate the accomplishments and achievements of Harriet Tubman, the only Black person the American school system knows. However, the problem with this celebration is that white people have felt using all 28 days of the shortest month of the year is making them feel left out. Can't…