Let’s be real, horror movies make the sexiest date

When you think of a sexy date, you probably imagine some red roses, a box of chocolate, and an expensive dinner served with nice bubbly. But I want to challenge this stereotype for just a second. There's only one date that will really tap into the human instincts that make sex so… sexy: the horror movie date.

I don't care if horror movies make you unable to sleep without the lights on or cause you to relapse into your Catholic upbringing, I'm here to explain how they add up to a good lay. And if you're the type who's asking what can possibly be hot about a serial killer slicing people open or a clown pulling people into sewers, allow me to explain.

First, there's some immediate payoff in a scary movie. Everyone's adrenaline is rushing and everyone's blood is pumping. You get to hop into each others arms during the pop scare scenes. And if you're into it, you can totally play the damsel in distress. Like "Oh no, Ryan! I am soooo scared of this monster, will you hold me?" It'll probably turn him on – because modern constructions of masculinity, am I right?

Besides getting turned on by the general spookiness of scary movies, there's also always some grimy sex scene at literally the worst possible time for the characters. Like, don't even try to explain to me how and why two people getting chased by their moms ghost or some freak in a trash bag are having sex a basement when their impending death is staring them in the face. I will truly never understand. But it does make for some good viewing to get in the mood. So dangerous.

But really, the sexiest part of scary movies is what a good excuse they are to get up close and personal later that night. Like, there's no way you can go back to your apartment all alone after that! Looks like you'll have to stay the night. And he can't even shame you for it. He's probably scared shitless too. Your communal fear will lead to some "we might die tonight" sex. That's not a great excuse to let him stick it up your butt, but like, I can't control what you do.

If you really stop to think about it, the other movie genres are really a turn-off. If you go see a comedy, you'll probably end up staring at another woman's chest for an hour and a half and by the end of the night, realize the person you're on a date with must be an asshole if they think any of this is funny. If you go see a romance, you'll spend the whole movie comparing them to the main character – and let's be honest, they'll never compare. And really, if you go see a critically -acclaimed film, he's probably a litboy and you should run.

Horror movie dates are really the way to go if you want to get laid. Just be sure to remind him after you watch The Exorcist that no, no matter how nicely he asks, you can't bend like that in bed.