I demand Tinder makes these actually useful changes instead of that stupid new update
He should be held accountable for his car selfies
by Jenn Ficarra
You don't go to Tinder to find love. Why? Because Tinder is a bottomless pit of creepy guys sending harassing and degrading messages that are usually capped off with a dick pic. Unwarranted dick pics usually don't lead to everlasting love.
But recently, Tinder launched it's "Menprovement" initiative to help combat all the douchebags you'll find on the app. Their solution? Cutesy little reaction messages that they think will help deter guys from being sleazy twats. In my experience, the more you bait a rabid dog the more they want to bite.
Instead of those dumbass reaction messages, these are 10 changes I'd rather see Tinder make to help improve the Tinder experience.
1. Friend identification
All users should be forced to identify or tag anyone in a group photo. Namely, so we can tell which one is you. But more importantly, so we can learn the identity of the hot friend you're posing with. Also, the tag should link to your hotter friends tinder profile so we can swipe right on the person we actually want.
2. DJ filter
All women should have the ability to decide if they want to filter out DJs / aspiring DJs / former DJs.
I think one of the greatest mysteries of life is why are there SO many DJs on Tinder?
— Lauren Adams (@ImLaurenAdams) June 1, 2017
3. Send their crude messages to their moms
If you think it's appropriate to send grotesque, crude, abhorrent messages to a female whom you have never met then you should also be required to have you mother see them. You clearly think that's appropriate behavior so there shouldn't be a problem if your mom sees what you have to say.
3. Proof that you caught that fish
If you're going to torture us with photos of you holding fish on a boat then you should be forced to prove that you actually caught that fish and not, say, the guy standing off to the side who isn't in the photo. I want video proof that you were the mastermind behind hooking that creature. And if you can't prove it? You can't post it.
4. Android or iPhone
We should be able to know before we even swipe if you have an Android or an iPhone. Non-negotiable.
When you run out of people to swipe on Tinder, your camera should turn on and force you to look at what you've become.
— Greg Dorris (@GregDorris) July 14, 2015
5. Selfies = donations
For every selfie you have on your profile, you have to donate $5 to a charity of your choice. I'm not playing. I don't want to swipe through six photos just to see your face at different angles. I need to know if you have a body. If you have friends. If you're not a complete loser who doesn't do activities. Selfies are for Snapchat and Instagram Influencers, not dating profiles.
6. Review feature
We should be able to review guys and have those reviews show up on their profiles. Like Yelp. We get to say "he sent me a dick pic right away" or "don't swipe right he's a catfish." Sisters helping sisters so we know to steer clear of the landmines. It'll also maybe force dudes to clean their act up if they want any chance of securing any sort of female companion. No one is gonna want you if you showed up forty minutes late, only talked about yourself, and then pretended to forget your wallet.
Ya know what I wish we could write reviews on tinder guys profiles. Like no mike, you were not a good guy who likes dogs and cuddling
— mere (@meredith_ruden) October 2, 2017
7. Photo cutoff
Your photos have a shelf life of two years. If a photo is older than two years you cannot use it. You probably aren't that fit anymore, Sheldon, so stop trying to pretend like you are. We deserve to see youuuuu. And if you literally don't have photos that aren't over 2 years old then we definitely don't want to be matching with you to begin with.
9. Dog algorithm
An algorithm or filter we can use specifically for findings guys with dogs. However, the guy has to prove that it's his dog or he has easy access to said dog. None of this "posed with a dog that's a random dog" bullshit.
I made a Tinder Bingo game. pic.twitter.com/mvb4AmzoXT
— an actual ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) November 22, 2015
10. Facebook link to an ex
So we can know what we're up against.