Beware the ‘cyber softboy’, the scariest kind of guy creeping your profile

I don't claim to know a lot about almost anything. I forgot how to ride a bike and I don't "get" how wind works.

But one thing I know for sure is that there's a certain kind of guy that you can't even be nice to without him taking it as an invitation.

Being nice to other people is generally like, a good move. It's easier to make friends and get away with shit if you're a generally well-liked person. But being friendly isn't the same as being flirty.

Like, just because I smile at you when we meet each other for the first time doesn't mean I'm down to fuck. And just because we have things in common, and I express my appreciation of this fact, doesn't mean we're meant to be together. Seems intuitive, right?

But there's a certain kind of man who doesn't quite get it.

Lots of people like dogs and Mexican food. It's really not that deep.

I call this guy the "cyber softboy." You know the type. He's a friend of your roommate's friend who you run into at a party where neither of you know a ton of people.

Or he's one of four members of your randomly assigned team for a semester-long group project. Or he's your new coworker who looks so sad eating his ham and cheese sandwich alone that you invite him to sit with you.

The cyber softboy believes in the friend-zone because he just can't seem to get out of it, hangs out with a ton of girls who already have partners, and his eyes lit up when you casually mentioned that you watched the first episode of Rick & Morty over the weekend.

Avoid this motherfucker, because any show of warmth or basic human decency will become an opportunity for him to romance you, often in the most inappropriate and insidious manner possible.

And because a cyber softboy will never actually ask you out, if you ever say something about his behavior making you uncomfortable, he'll call you a stuck-up bitch and claim that he was just being friendly.

This dude isn't going to send you dick pics or text you at midnight asking if "u up?" If he does text you at midnight, it's way more likely to be a list of movie recommendations, because at some point you casually mentioned that you'd… seen a movie before? Or something?

He's so scared of rejection that he'll never make an overt move or ask you on an actual date, which makes all of his weird attempts at conversation that much more uncomfortable. And believe me, there will be a ton of conversation — think paragraphs.

A cyber softboy is gonna share a lot about his life in a short amount of time, whether you want to hear about it or not. And because he's shared so much so fast, it'll feel like you're tied to this dude in some way, even if you've conducted your relationship entirely over Snapchat message — he doesn't have your phone number, after all.

The ideal? Cut contact entirely. The reality? If this guy is someone you work with in an academic or professional capacity, stop talking to him anywhere other than in-person.

It's harder for these dudes to operate in real life, because the magic of body language and fake laughter is usually harder to misinterpret than a virtual "lmao."

But worst case scenario, be blunt with your cyber softboy and take the L. It's better than getting all of those fucking Twitter DMs, right?

@k80way