Guys who are cheating are most likely to use these excuses, according to them
‘I’m going to the gym’
If you have an inkling your SO is not as faithful to you as they've said they are, you're probably more alert than usual, looking for warning signs.
Or maybe you aren't worried at all, but you actually should be.
Cheating website Ashley Madison of all places has surveyed 1,491 of its male members asking them which excuses they use when cheating on their girlfriends, and most had the same answers. Here's what they said:
'I'm working late tonight'
32 percent of men say they use the excuse they're "working late" when cheating on their girlfriends, which is why I'm a staunch believer of the fact "working late" does not actually exist.
The only people who "work late" are bartenders, DJs and club promoters because nobody wants any of those things at 10 am, and if they do, we shouldn't be readily providing them with it anyway.
Each morning we're gifted with a brief window of time — the two hours after we become fully awake — during which we’re most mentally capable of getting work done. If he actually had too much work to get done in a day, he'd go in early instead of staying late.
By the evening hours our brain is fried and the only thing anyone is thinking about is dinner, a shower and bed — all of which he may be sharing with someone else.
First of all, he's cheating on you.
— gabrielle. (@CaprisunGabbs) November 18, 2017
'I'm going out with the guys'
21 percent of guys use the excuse they're "going out with the boys."
The "going out with friends" line is a hard one to walk, because you don't want to come off as possessive or untrustworthy when breaching the topic with them. Often, one of the biggest strains on relationships is that of one partner taking another partner away from time with their friends who came before you.
However, when you're dating someone, you have to learn to compromise. If every time he's "going out" he never suggests you come along to meet some of them, it may not be just friends he's going out with.
When you're seeing someone you want to show them off. That doesn't mean he can never hang out with his friends alone, but if you've never met these so-called friends, or you think one of them might be something more, you could be right.
'I have a business trip this weekend'
15 percent of guys are most likely to use the excuse they have a "business trip" if they have intentions of hitting it with someone else.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, or are thinking of course that's not what he's doing while he's away, let me point your attention to the iconic 2010 film Last Night staring Keira Knightley, Sam Worthington and Eva Mendes.
I won't spoil anything for you, but if you think Sam Worthington goes on his "business" trip without falling all over Eva Mendes you're too pure to be watching the film at all. Keira Knightley's character is hot and cool and any guy would be out of his mind to cheat on her, but for some reason the second we're out of the picture it's like their rabid, horny minds take hold and all they can think about is sex.
If he can forget about Keira Knightley he can forget about you, too.
'I have a thing with my coworkers tonight'
14 percent of men use the excuse they're "going out with coworkers" when they're cheating on someone else.
Second to "My phone died" this is the worst excuse in the book, because nobody actually likes their coworkers enough to spend any more time with them than is contractually obligated. And even if you do like your coworkers, most prefer to keep their work and personal lives separate, as a rule.
Each day in most offices feels like being one level higher in Tetris than you can actually handle, and not even a gin and tonic with the CEO can smooth that out.
Unless it's the annual office Christmas extravaganza, or your SO is gunning for a promotion and wants to charm his boss both inside and outside of the office, he's charming someone else over those drinks.
Post that picture of you & your man boo’d up if you want to know if he’s cheating on you.
— Chanel (@kisschanel) November 7, 2017
'I'm just going to hit the gym for a bit'
9 percent of men use the excuse they're "going to the gym" when they're actually going over someone else's house, and that's probably a slightly less common excuse for good reason.
If he's not actually going to the gym, which he says he's not, it'll be pretty obvious a few months down the line when he comes home acting all normal and lies down next to you in bed with his body still looking dad-like.
You are one of apparently two people who are close enough to him to tell if those weight sets he's been doing have actually been working, and since the average session in bed only burns about 100 calories, he'll likely only use this excuse a few more times before moving to one of the the more common ones above.
I guess adulterous minds think alike, but what they probably didn't realize was that eventually we'd catch on. It's never just "the gym," or "drinks with the Steve," because Eva Mendes is there, too, and who the hell could deny her?
I said what I said, clothed sex is actually the BEST sex
You heard it here first, folks!
by Ari Bines
It's pretty obvious that sex doesn't require a lot of work unless you're on top, but because I'm a lazy fuck, therefore my preferential sex position has everything to do with minimal movement (sorry, but sweat is gross). So I'm enlisting a new sex category and dare you all to keep your clothes on for…
Do y’all really want to fuck Venom from ‘Venom’ or am I just having some kind of fever dream?
You guys are gross!
by Katie Way
Okay, babe is about as sex-positive as it gets (we wrote an entire story about girls getting nutted on) but sometimes, shit goes too far. And I feel qualified to say that when it comes to the internet's lust for Tom Hardy's character in the upcoming Marvel movie Venom — no, not for Tom Hardy,…
Every sign your weak ass is falling in love with a fuckboy
I meeeaaaan if you’re a masochist, gah head
by Ari Bines
Fuckboys, like so much human swine flu, are a deadly virus intent on …infecting women around the world. We have yet to find a cure, but actually developing real feelings for one can hasten death. If you have any fraction of respect for yourself, you'll go through this list to expose yourself to the signs…