Now is the time to stop shaming women for the ‘basic’ things that help them deal with trauma

The last few months have been exhausting for people who have experienced sexual violence. It seems like everyday, a new person is revealed to be a predator. As a result, people are forced to relive their trauma over and over again. Forced to empathize with the women he hurt. Forced to fear for their safety as more and more men are revealed as dangerous.

Exposing abusers has been great for initiating cultural change, but it has been extremely painful for so many. While some people are still struggling to cope with the stress of today's social media, others have found small things to get their mind off the scariness of the world. And it's time to stop making them feel ashamed or embarrassed of the habits that help them cope.

Some people have taken it upon themselves to declare certain self-care rituals as "stupid," "irresponsible," "dramatic," or "distracting." It is often depicted as an excuse by "the weak" to slack off or engage in the narcissism.

People are constantly critiquing the value small coping mechanisms like having a daily care routine or checking in on your emotions with an app.

Self-care can have many forms. No form is "more productive" or "better" than another, unless a coping mechanism is unhealthy, like self-harm or eating dysfunction. Everyone has different mental health needs. What may be helpful to someone who is depressed as a result of trauma isn't necessarily helpful to those who may suffer from PTSD or BPD. And some survivors of trauma may not have a mental illness at all – they may just have fatigue from carrying around such a hard memory and need a way to reenergize.

While self-care can never be a replacement for professional treatment, it is an integral part of living a healthy life. In this especially tough time for people who have endured violence, everyone needs to be reminded of the validity of taking care of yourself and the value of distractions no matter your mental health status.

People are walking around constantly feeling the fatigue of the worst moments of their life. It's not irresponsible for them to take a break from the news or social media. It's not pathetic for them to deactivate Twitter. It's not "lame" or "sad" for them to obsess over something "juvenile," like Harry Potter, coloring, or a favorite artist.

Survivors don't owe their time or effort to anyone, especially those who need to take responsibility for structural change. But we owe it to them to encourage whatever distracts them from the triggering environment they're being forced to endure – even if its spending hours watching children's movies or spending money on "frivolous" beauty products.

It can be hard to commit to self-care when you're told it's self-centered or unimportant. It can be hard to take care of yourself when you're questioning whether you have a valid reason to need care in the first place.

Next time you see a friend self-conscious about how much time they've spent away from the world, remind them taking time for themselves is ok. Maybe invite yourself to their Disney movie marathon, if they'll have you. Please bring pizza.