Here’s every fight you’ll get into with your boyfriend, and why you’re right

Relationships are tough. A romantic bond based on passion and deep, emotional intimacy a can be a beautiful thing but it can also turn small complaints into full-blown fights because the stakes seem so much higher when you actually give a fuck about the guy you're fucking. What a concept!

But here's the thing: when it comes to arguments with your boyfriend (or your partner, lots of these complaints are gender neutral), you are actually right 100 percent of the time. You just don't realize it yet, which is where I come in. If you can make it through this list of fights you'll get into with your man without involuntarily nodding, you must be Cool in the Gone Girl monologue way, i.e. lying to yourself. Wake up and throw a fit, bitch!

He wants you to hang out with his friends… again

He still talks to old flames

It doesn't matter if he says "it was in seventh grade" and "she told me her dad could help me get an internship." Tell him to delete her number or you're going to set yourself on fire.

He didn't remember your great aunt's wedding anniversary

Inconsiderate much? Just because you only mentioned it once two weeks ago doesn't mean that you can't get pissed when he asks you to come over when he should have known you were busy writing Aunt Ellen a thoughtful card! What a dumbass.

He liked this picture of Emily Ratajkowski on Instagram instead of your latest post

First of all, is this what he meant when he told you he likes "smart girls"?! Second of all, just because it was a birthday post for your dog doesn't mean you're not trying to do numbers. Literally what the fuck is a boyfriend good for, if not social media clout? At least Emily for sure isn't interested in stealing your guy, who thinks buttoning up his flannel counts as "dressing up."

He called your lipstick "weird"

Uh, it's not weird, it's Fenty Beauty, you uncultured swine.

He put his arm around his 'friend' in a picture

You know, the friend he told you he used to have a crush on? And they're both smiling? This is obviously not okay. Make sure to view their friendship on Facebook so you have extra ammo for the inevitable fight — he posted a Vine compilation on her wall in 2015 and she commented "lmao"? Wow.

He told you that astrology is fake

Not only is this rude, it's such a lukewarm take that it's worth starting shit just so he'll never mention it again. Remind him that everything is fake, so there's no reason not to trust the stars. Then talk shit to all your friends about the fact that he was being such a Taurus the whole time you were arguing.

He said Ivanka Trump is 'kinda hot'

Uh, not only is this decidedly un-woke, it also means that he might think Ivanka Trump is prettier than you, even though her skin and her hair are basically the same color. Does he think about the fact that she's the only adult Trump child to have an actual chin when he's inside of you???? Be sure to scream that question at him through tears. It'll work, I promise.

He never lets you pick the movie

You can only sit through Black Hawk Down so many times before it gets old. I don't care how patient you are — love is a game of give and take, which means he needs to give you the remote and take a fucking chill pill about having to watch Crazy Stupid Love one time. It's a good movie!

He got a bad haircut

He should have asked you first, because you would have said "HELL NO" to bangs! Now you can't post any cute couple photos until it grows out. Not even to your Snapchat story. And that's super fucked up.

He cheated on you in your dream last night

How fucking dare he! I mean, he didn't. But it still feels like he did, which means he owes you an apology!

He freaked out when you talked about the future

What the fuck?! Doesn't he know you're a gem, a goddess among women, a 10/10 catch? What about you or your behavior could possibly make him nervous about spending the rest of his life, or like the rest of this calendar year, with you? Dump! Him! Or, at the very least, threaten to jump out of his moving car. Guys love that. Trust me.

@k80way