The only way to keep a relationship alive is to invite ‘The Shadow’ in

The only thing I'm sure of in this deranged, bass-ackwards world is why you're reading this article about a failing relationship. It's for one of two reasons: 1) You're in a relationship that's failing 2) You're not in a relationship that's failing (yet), but know you inevitably will be.

So, you've come to babe.net — beacon of all things just, here to shine light on your flaws and help you bring about change in a positive, meaningful way. Well, have at it: Inviting in the "Shadow," originally coined by the psychiatrist and expert Carl Jung, is the only way to save a doomed relationship.

I know. Everything I just said is not only vague but completely useless. The only reason you're wasting your precious time reading this article in the first place is because you're capital-D Desperate and here I am, making shit up.

But the Shadow is only as "made up" as you and your partner's astrological compatibility, so listen: According to Jung, the Shadow embodies whatever qualities you feel aren’t “right” — qualities that endanger your organized, controlled existence and throw it all out of whack.

These are the qualities that make life messy and livable, and so naturally we try to disguise them with trendy dgaf haircuts and chill-girl music taste, because we feel embarrassed and threatened by our vulnerabilities.

But, if you ever want a lasting shot at your relationship, you're going to have to "nurture and create a space for the Shadow," Jung said, adding that you need to go as far as bringing it to the bedroom with you.

"Even though you’re embarrassed of it," Jung wrote, "the Shadow is the part of you that can have passionate sex, get close and be intimate with someone," and it can be done in a number of different ways.

The most immediate way to access your Shadow is the greatest fear of all millennials: express interest in your partner all the time — meaning not just when you're done playing hard to get for three weeks and not just right before you want sex.

Just because you're not having sex doesn't mean you can't be intimate and open. You can also reach out, "touch them, look at them sexually, tell them they look great," Jung famously wrote."This needs to be done all the time."

We don't get to play hard to get and also keep our partners' interest forever. Eventually all the fake indifference will plateau, and when it does they won't even know you want them there to catch you.

You have two weeks before the new year, so try inviting in the Shadow and letting them know you care. Otherwise you might lose them to 2018.

@carolinephinney