Your weekly horoscopes are here and it’s time for your comeback
It’s OK to be calculating
It's only January 22, but we can all agree it feels more like March 22. This year already feels like it's draaaaagging. The glow of the New Year has worn off, our roots have grown back in, and we're ready for a vacation somewhere warm. Everyone always says there's nothing worse than the dip between the holidays and Valentine's Day, and now we have proof.
But, because the majority of us are strapped and can't be throwing money around right now, we might as well have fun staying put. Here's everything the stars have in store for you, featuring illustrations by Lucy Turnbull for babe.
Happy Monday, my ram! You hate being ignored and this week is no exception. So what are you going to do about it? You're going to flip the game on them and ignore them instead. It's time to finally take that aggressive stance you've been practicing for so long, and let them know they aren't calling the shots anymore. Mention you're going out with a group and don't invite them, only suggest one day when they ask what days you're free this week, and post a seductive selfie on your story so they know they aren't the only one you're sharing it with. You've been too nice for too long, and we don't want them to forget they're playing with fire.
A Taurus is easy to spot because they can always been seen working three jobs at once. You're a master of balancing things, so it makes sense you'd be good at balancing people, too. You've shied away from the game recently because you've been busy balancing your work and personal life, but it's time to get back in it. The most stable of all the signs, you're also the most persistent. Just because you called for a T.O. doesn't mean you haven't been keeping those muscles warm. Message that person you fell off with. It didn't end because you two weren't meant to work out, it ended because you were too scared to be honest.
There's nothing that turns you off more than small-minded people, and you've been surrounded by a lot of those lately. Of course, the ever-charming you has been putting up with them like there's no issue, but you feel like you're about to blow a gasket. Here's a tip for you: forget about them. Just because everyone else is OK walking through life in a single-file line doesn't mean you need do that, too. Go out on a Tuesday, dye your hair the color you actually want to, peg someone on a first date for the love of god, just don't be like everyone else. Gemini are fascinating and original and everyone else's "same-old" is rubbing off on you lately. Break free of them before you become one of them.
Moon child, your emotions are ruled by the sky and last week it felt like rain. Even though you're a creature of comfort, there's nothing that boosts your mood more than hosting intimate get togethers. And you could use all the friend-love and intimacy you can harbor right now. This week, I challenge you not to focus on romantic relationships but on foundational relationships instead. Invite some people you miss over for drinks, ask a friend to visit from out of town or catch up with an old roommate for dinner. You need some stomach hurting laughs right now, and the people who have known you for the longest know just how to get you there.
Coming in second place isn't an option for you, but it feels like it's been happening a lot lately. Getting out of bed has been harder than usual, you can come up with an excuse to drink wine almost every night, and to top it all off, you're pretty sure the person you're into is into someone else. Isn't that how it always goes? Not with you. If there's anything you're amazing at it's entertaining, so it's time to use those goods to take back what's yours. Just make sure when you get them, you let them know you're into someone else now, too. There's nothing weaker than falling for it when someone begs for you back.
My pure child! When you do something, you do it all the way and there's something we both know you're not quite finished with yet. Don't let the fear of striking out scare you from following through with what you began. Even if things don't work out precisely the way you wanted them to, there's nothing lamer than a half-finished shot. Letting someone else have the last word is nice, but it's not you and that's why they liked you to begin with. You're losing your bite and it's the reason people are falling out of love with you. Push back and you'll by surprised by how powerful your voice really is.
Tough exterior aside, there's nothing you desire more than to love and be loved in return. But how is someone supposed to know that with the way you've been pushing back lately? Your armor is two inches thick and people are getting tired of chipping away at it, waiting for a sliver of a sign you might be interested in them. It's important to want to be independent, but it isn't weak to desire something (or someone) else. The only thing that looks needier than not needing anyone else at all is pretending you don't need anyone else. Most people in 2018 aren't brave enough to be hopeless romantics, but you? You're brave and you have all the makings of one.
Oops, you did it again! You fell for your ex. OK, maybe not your ex, but you've been thinking about a certain someone lately — more than someone who's not actually dating them should be. You cant help it! You're a water sign who was born emotional and you're just doing your best to make sense of the the mixed signs being thrown at you. But emotions aside, deep down you do possess complete and total control. You just need to get better at channeling it. The second you hear someone's name or see a message from them, you melt into a puddle of sweat — but why? What control do they truly have over your life? Absolutely none at all. They've already seen you crawl after them, now try brushing them off.
You're a natural rule-maker, but recently it's felt like someone else has been calling the shots in your personal life. You value your alone time and you've never been good at making space for others in your routine, but it could be time to loosen up a little. You can still have your you time while carving out space for the people you care about. They're not going to come careening in, attempting to commandeer your life — if anything, they'll add something that wasn't there before. You know a lot but you don't know everything and everyone has a lot to learn in love. Both of you have to wear the pants if this is going to work.
My sweet goat! Why is everyone always calling you stubborn and boring? You have this kind of shitty rep for "loving business cards" and "hating doing things 'just for the hell of it,'" but just because you like control doesn't mean you're boring. Haven't these people ever met a celebrity? They're the most cold and calculating people of all, but they're also on a level above us all. People have been trying you lately, but it's because, like a celebrity, they want to be you. They mask their curiosity with disgust and pretend they disagree just because they want to see if you can hold your own, but you can. Slide in some headphones, put on some songs that make you feel powerful, and ignore the hate. They're jealous.
You're an air sign, but add air to fire and suddenly people realize they've been playing with something dangerous for far too long. There's nothing you despise more than drama queens, and boy have you been dealing with a lot of those lately. This one wants to drag you down, this one wants to air you out and another wants to make sure you don't come back. So let them have what they want. Go into hiding, let them think they've won and then come back with a vengeance. There's nothing better than filling a boring week with planning, and you could just about fill a book right now. You'll be bulletproof when you come back.
As the most psychic sign, you can be a bit out of touch with reality at times — but that's not necessarily a detriment to you. Sure, reading people's moods and feeling out the future gets tiring, but every gift comes at a price. This week, that price is the knowledge you're not the only one gunning after a certain someone so you better step up. You already have the upper hand in so many ways, why not use those powers to your advantage? You know how to win this race because you always know exactly what everyone else wants — even if it takes some digging to re-remember it.
Mom, can you come pick me up? It’s Gemini Season and I’m scared
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