Ok, but like why/how did all band kids from high school have more sex than anyone?

Some things will always be true: Grass will always be green. Water will always be wet. And band kids EVERYWHERE will always be sex fiends. I don't know how it happened, but overly-sexed band kids have found a home in every high school in America. Like, if you haven't seen a big-ass tuba player and a flute girl with glasses making out outside the auditorium, I'm pretty sure you're a fucking alien.

Band kids are just known for fucking. Think about Band Camp jokes — true Americana. Everyone who went to band camp was hooking up in their twin bunkbeds. The ICONIC Secret Life of the American Teenager was about Amy getting pregnant while she was learning to play the Piccolo. Think about American Pie!

Then, there were the ubiquitous school rumors about band kids fingering each other or giving hand jobs any time they could. On the back of school buses on the way to away football games. In the band room. In the bathrooms. In the literal hallways. These kids weren't holding anything back.

Band kids were having one million percent having sex left and right while the rest of us were masturbating to Twilight books and reading Seventeen to learn about making out. They were fucking more than the cool kids, the average kids, and maybe — just maybe — more than the burnouts. You know, just because the burnouts were fucking slammed and passed out most hours of the day.

I think the band kids fucked so much because they were all the same kind of extremely weird. They didn't have to worry about being judged by another band kid, because they were all on even playing field — kinda socially awkward. Think about it: Even the most popular girl in school would stress about having sex with the popular guys because her social standing could collapse due to rumors or being bad at it. But band kids could fuck without worries about social fallout — they were already considered strange. The same applies to Theatre kids. But we all know the theatre kids weren't having as much sex as the band kids because the theatre kids were all closeted gay dudes and girls who crushed on them anyway.

Honestly, if I could go back and do it all over again, I would play a sexy band instrument like the drums or something. Because even if I was a fairly normal high school kid, I definitely wasn't fucking. Also because the drums are cool. Right?