These terrifying relationship horror stories will actually make you grateful you’re single
Humanity is doomed
by Katie Way
It's kind of fun to complain about your relationship problems, and I don't have a single friend who hasn't crowdsourced some relationship advice at some point in time.
But there's a pretty big difference between bitching in the group-chat and baring your soul to a forum filled with virtually anonymous strangers, and that's where r/relationships comes into play — an entire subreddit dedicated to relationships of all kinds, but the juiciest stuff is all romantic — and fucked up.
This all-natural dilemma
Imagine typing the words "my husband loves mushrooms more than me" and not having the next five works you type be "divorce lawyers in my area." Jesus wept.
This baby bird scenario
I understand why this would get posted online because there's no fucking way you could ever admit letting your partner chew your food for you and spit it into your mouth IRL. Not to kink-shame, but this is both kinky and shameful. But honestly? Props to this dude for trying. Calling the woman who is "starting to chew her food and feed it to [him]" on a regular basis "perfect… except for this one issue" is actually low-key romantic.
This sex pillow story that's not what you expect
This is the tweet that inspired this entire article. As soon as I read it, I knew. "He is grabbing the corner of his pillowcase, wrapping it around and pulling it until [it's] long, sharp and curly and then putting it into [his] ears/nose… Sometimes he does it even during sex!" God. Girl. Dump him, and throw away all of your pillows, and any other pliable cushions just to be safe.
This sex pillow story that's exactly what you expect
You already know the unspoken detail in this story: this dude absolutely fucks this pillow — there's a logical conclusion to cuddling, caressing and kissing that literal sex object and it is not talking.
This bone-sesh gone wrong
D-U-M-P him, or both of you are about to get fucking haunted. Save yourself from French ghosts, girl!
Men are dogs….
You read r/relationships every day?
Me: yeah uh pic.twitter.com/BCrEHFZI9V
— Amy Jutras (@AmyLJutras) January 14, 2018
I actually think the fact that this girl's boyfriend "runs up the stairs on all four legs" because he thinks it's "fun" and "faster" is a pro for me. I like a guy with a healthy sense of whimsy. Sue me!
This honestly sounds like my nightmare, because I really don't think I have what it takes to make a court appearance (a pantsuit or mental fortitude). I hope this girl gets legal help.
This PETA member….
It's wild to me that someone could very causally date another person for two months, find bestiality porn on their computer, and then wonder, "What should I do?" CHANGE YOUR LOCKS AND BLOCK HIM. And think about calling the police. Seriously.
This classic Napoleon complex
If the clear and present inferiority complex that comes with thinking a girl who is wearing heels is "towering over" him isn't enough, the shitty-ass puns in the final line seal the deal: this guy sucks.
Fellas, is it gay to be attracted to male genitalia? Not necessarily, because sexuality is a spectrum. But also…this is cheating. Next!
This not-so-touching tribute
Is it fucked up that I think this is slightly flattering? Like, I would never want it to happen to me. But… I don't know. There's something here.
This 'random guy'
I actually think this story, about a girl whose man got pissed at her because she referred to his friend as "some random guy" is the worst because it's so fucking insidious. I would advise the person who posted this to make her boyfriend into some random guy ASAP by leaving his ass in the past where it belongs.
We picked out some of the best gems here, but honestly, click those links and scroll your afternoon away. Other peoples' problems are the best kind, am I right?
Guess which rapper this girl cheated on her boyfriend with!
‘The next video is of them twerking and the same dude grinding on them’
by Harry Shukman
Here's a fun game if you're feeling like a dick! With whichst rapper did this girl cheat on her boyfriend with? The clues are in this story about a newly-single dude who poured his heart out on a relationship advice site, and it's brutal as hell (although he's now laughing about it, which means you…
Power ranking every U.S. President by their dick size
Every day is Presidents Day here
by Amanda Ross, Josh Kaplan and Harry Shukman
INT: WHITE HOUSE – NIGHTThe President is hunched over his desk. His tie is undone, there’s stubble on his face, and he looks exhausted. Papers are scattered in front of him as he drafts a speech. Suddenly, an aide bursts into the room and shouts: “Mr President, Mr President, sir!” The President looks worried, and…
When it comes to interracial dating, there’s a double standard for Black women
We can’t seem to catch a break
by Ari Bines
As a Black woman who's crossed the great racial divide more than once, I’ve seen first-hand how interracial relationships get judged and ostracized (I’ve been called out of my name many, many times). My relationships, my friends', and even celebrities' prove that time and again, it’s Black women who get more scrutiny for dating outside…