These terrifying relationship horror stories will actually make you grateful you’re single
Humanity is doomed
by Katie Way
It's kind of fun to complain about your relationship problems, and I don't have a single friend who hasn't crowdsourced some relationship advice at some point in time.
But there's a pretty big difference between bitching in the group-chat and baring your soul to a forum filled with virtually anonymous strangers, and that's where r/relationships comes into play — an entire subreddit dedicated to relationships of all kinds, but the juiciest stuff is all romantic — and fucked up.
This all-natural dilemma
Imagine typing the words "my husband loves mushrooms more than me" and not having the next five works you type be "divorce lawyers in my area." Jesus wept.
This baby bird scenario
I understand why this would get posted online because there's no fucking way you could ever admit letting your partner chew your food for you and spit it into your mouth IRL. Not to kink-shame, but this is both kinky and shameful. But honestly? Props to this dude for trying. Calling the woman who is "starting to chew her food and feed it to [him]" on a regular basis "perfect… except for this one issue" is actually low-key romantic.
This sex pillow story that's not what you expect
This is the tweet that inspired this entire article. As soon as I read it, I knew. "He is grabbing the corner of his pillowcase, wrapping it around and pulling it until [it's] long, sharp and curly and then putting it into [his] ears/nose… Sometimes he does it even during sex!" God. Girl. Dump him, and throw away all of your pillows, and any other pliable cushions just to be safe.
This sex pillow story that's exactly what you expect
You already know the unspoken detail in this story: this dude absolutely fucks this pillow — there's a logical conclusion to cuddling, caressing and kissing that literal sex object and it is not talking.
This bone-sesh gone wrong
D-U-M-P him, or both of you are about to get fucking haunted. Save yourself from French ghosts, girl!
Men are dogs….
You read r/relationships every day?
Me: yeah uh pic.twitter.com/BCrEHFZI9V
— Amy Jutras (@AmyLJutras) January 14, 2018
I actually think the fact that this girl's boyfriend "runs up the stairs on all four legs" because he thinks it's "fun" and "faster" is a pro for me. I like a guy with a healthy sense of whimsy. Sue me!
This honestly sounds like my nightmare, because I really don't think I have what it takes to make a court appearance (a pantsuit or mental fortitude). I hope this girl gets legal help.
This PETA member….
It's wild to me that someone could very causally date another person for two months, find bestiality porn on their computer, and then wonder, "What should I do?" CHANGE YOUR LOCKS AND BLOCK HIM. And think about calling the police. Seriously.
This classic Napoleon complex
If the clear and present inferiority complex that comes with thinking a girl who is wearing heels is "towering over" him isn't enough, the shitty-ass puns in the final line seal the deal: this guy sucks.
Fellas, is it gay to be attracted to male genitalia? Not necessarily, because sexuality is a spectrum. But also…this is cheating. Next!
This not-so-touching tribute
Is it fucked up that I think this is slightly flattering? Like, I would never want it to happen to me. But… I don't know. There's something here.
This 'random guy'
I actually think this story, about a girl whose man got pissed at her because she referred to his friend as "some random guy" is the worst because it's so fucking insidious. I would advise the person who posted this to make her boyfriend into some random guy ASAP by leaving his ass in the past where it belongs.
We picked out some of the best gems here, but honestly, click those links and scroll your afternoon away. Other peoples' problems are the best kind, am I right?
I’ve cheated on every guy I’ve ever dated, and I don’t feel even a little bit sorry
It’s too easy
by Caroline Phinney
I'm a love addict. I spend hours scrolling through the New York Time's Modern Love section, or The Cut's Sex Diaries. I go on about a date a week and spend the rest of my time watching other people's love stories unfold on Netflix. And when I talk about my future with my friends, it…
For the love of all things good, never swipe right on a guy who only has group pics
Well, unless you want to get murdered
by Ari Bines
Just when I thought I'd attempted every desperate tactic on the market to find "love", I unknowingly realized that I've been swiping right on profiles in which I have no idea who the actual person is because they've emptied every one of their group photos into their Tinder profile. There's a clear method to this…
Is your ex really over you? Here’s a complete guide to knowing if he’ll come crawling back
If he’s posting about her online… we have news for you
by Una Dabiero
If there's one thing all men are great at, it's sending mixed-signals. Dudes are pretty useless when they're actually talking to you one-on-one. But after a break-up, when communication is muddy and you're trying to figure out what he's thinking from stalking his Facebook pictures and analyzing his tweets, it can be especially tough to…