Lay down your weary head. They’ve invented Doritos ‘for women’ so we can finally eat too
I’ve been so hungry for so long
There are a few quick and dirty ways to tell what kind of person someone is. Are they a tits or an ass person? Do they prefer Instagram or Twitter? Do they like blue or orange Doritos? The latter being a serial killer. (If you disagree, turn on your location so I can punch you square in the face).
But if there are only two kinds of people in this world, and those are blue and orange Dorito people, then where are all of the women? Because we certainly haven't been eating either of those.
Well welcome to the future, because the CEO of Doritos' parent company says it's solving one of women's "least favorite things" and that's apparently the residue left on our fingers after eating chips(??). And now they're creating special chips "just for women."
Quiet chips that fit in handbags for women…
That… what is… IT BROKE ME! I CAN'T MAKE A WITTY REMARK, IT'S ALREADY TOO STUPID!https://t.co/BB4obePjCW
— Tranime Girl (@TranimeGirl) February 5, 2018
"As you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee," CEO, Indra Nooyi, told Freakonomics radio, adding that women would love to do the same, but don't, because we "don't like to crunch too loudly in public."
So what will the new, female friendly Doritos be like? "Low-crunch, with less residue," and you can even fit it in a purse, because the bags will be much, much smaller.