Kim and Kanye are relationship goals, so my boyfriend and I tried living like them for a week
Now I only wear bike shorts
Remember when Kanye said that Kim Kardashian is this generation's Marilyn Monroe and we gave him shit for it? What fools we were.
There must have been some kind of nationwide gas leak happening in 2013, because anybody with a brain or eyes can see how right Kanye's "Kim = Marilyn" statement is today — but honestly, I don't think she could have gotten where she is without Kanye by her side.
Don't get me wrong: I fully believe that Kim Kardashian is a genius. I dare you to read this GQ interview with her and tell me otherwise. But Kim and Kanye undeniably build each other up to people they probably couldn't be if they were apart.
Kanye took Kim from "rock Forever 21 but just turned 30" to the woman who made us all consider dropping a band on some geriatric-chic sneakers, and Kim gave Kanye an alarmingly large family, a measure of stability and release from tweeting crazy shit all the time. It's a match made in heaven!
Thinking about their perfect relationship made me wonder what I could be doing better in my own love life — so I gave my Kardashian-ignorant boyfriend a set of tasks and attempted to follow the blueprint that Kimye laid out for us.
The infamous emails
When news dropped that Kanye sends Kim regular emails about what is and is not in style, we all lost our fucking minds because that's funny as hell. But it's also a pretty good idea — so I made my boyfriend do it every day for a week:
A lil disclaimer for my less stunt-oriented readers: only try this at home if your partner is willing to do a medium amount of work and super tolerant of Your Bullshit — but then again, if they're not, why the fuck are you with 'em anyway?
Initially, my guy was a little hesitant with the emails and stuck to suggesting the kind of stuff he knew I owned — big, weird t-shirts, chunky jewelry, etcetera.
But as the week progressed, he definitely got bolder — like when he subtly dissed my Large Sneakers (ED NOTE: Katie does regularly wear very big sneakers), or when he suggested that "Victorian collars" are hip. I'm sorry babe, I didn't know we were in a fucking steampunk revival right now.
But it was a pretty cool way to know where his headspace was at in terms of style, and he did a way better job than I anticipated. He even suggested a few new silhouettes, like giant pants, that I'd been hesitant about whipping out before. I think we both appreciated the challenge.
Kim's iconic selfie book was originally inspired by her idea for Kanye's Valentine's Day present — a ton of pictures of herself looking hot as fuck. So this one was a no-brainer: I spent the week taking a ton of pictures of myself and sending them to my man.
It was basically like a normal week, but I had to think about a bunch of strangers seeing them too, so they're definitely not Kim K Valentine's level.
My boyfriend and I live in different parts of the country so we Snapchat on the reg, but it's sometimes tough to keep a streak up when we're both busy — so making specific time to let him know what was up with me face-wise was actually really nice.
The commissioned art
Lest anyone forget, here's Kanye's wedding present for Kim: an almost-nude painting of her with the phrases "My Queen Kim" and "Perfect Bitch" scrawled on the side in cursive. Close your eyes and let the word paint a thousand pictures, right?
Unfortunately, my guy was not willing to commission a portrait of me with his own money or make one himself in Photoshop, because he's his own person who isn't getting paid to make content.
He did, however, send me this meme he made about me a few months ago that I forgot about.
Basically the same thing!
I conveniently planned this article the same week me and the boyf were going on a trip together to Utah. You know who else went to Utah recently? I'll give you one guess:
Coincidence? Definitely. But still kinda uncanny.
And so, in true Kim and Kanye fashion, we skipped out on stuff like "spending time catching up" or "engaging with the culture" and cut to the chase by doing a very long, very extra series of photoshoots in and around various scenic vistas.
Even though Kim and Kanye have never done a nature photoshoot together, it felt… spiritually sound.
Did I just want an excuse to post the best shots on the internet? I'll let you be the judge of that.
But c'mon, you can't tell me this isn't what Kim and Kanye do with each other all the time.
This whole experiment was very visually oriented, which makes sense on a couple of levels: humans are visual creatures, Kim is famous because of her carefully curated and maintained appearance, and everything about Kim and Kanye's relationship comes from the image of their relationship that they project to the world.
Didn't expect it to get deep like that, huh?
Basically, my boyfriend and I spent the week focusing on the outside, and demonstrating affection through the medium of physical beauty — fuck, sorry, deep again.
I think the biggest takeaway from acting like Kim and Kanye was that those motherfuckers are obsessed with each other, inside and out. And even though playing the obsession game was fun for a little while, at the end of the week I think we both needed a little breather — although I might have to call him up the next time I'm shoe shopping, just in case.
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