My new role model is this girl who sends ‘blowjob stats’ to guys and deep-throats in the 97th percentile

You might think of yourself as an empowered dick-sucking hoe — but unless you've carefully timed each blowjob, calculated the exact percentage of times that you swallowed, and shared these statistics with strange guys on Tinder, then you ain't shit.

All hoes bow down before our new queen. Brought to us by Reddit user SmItHeAD11 who was fortunate enough to match with this legend, she can not only do some impressive dick sucking but also some serious number crunching.

A statistician by day and a deepthroater by night, she is truly the embodiment of the "woman who has it all." This is what Sheryl Sandberg meant by work-life balance, right? Lean the fuck in!

Among her various accomplishments include inducing two ejaculations in one blowjob, sucking 47 sets of balls (so 94 individual testicles if you're really thinking about it), and possessing triple D boobs. A versatile artist, she can "make you bust fast" with a quick 60-second endeavor but she can also "go slow and make you cum twice" with a full 45-minute long experience.

Sadly, she only swallows 91% of the time and deepthroats 97 percent of the time. One can only speculate what she does with the semen the remaining 9 percent of the time. However, she does redeem herself by sucking balls 100 percent of the time. You go, girl!

But it's not all hard numbers. As a seasoned data scientist, she understands the importance of including both quantitative AND qualitative findings in her dissertation.

"Best blowjob I've ever had 10/10," one happy customer reviewed.

"Nothing can compare to the head she gave me," said another man who was presumably interviewed shortly after he busted a nut (with a 91% chance that she swallowed the ensuing ejaculate).

I don't know what I'm more inspired by — her wide litany of fellatio-related activities or her commitment to collecting and analyzing large sets of data. All I know is that once I figure out how to use Excel, it's over for you hoes.

If you know this iconic girl (or if you are this girl!), please email [email protected]. We're obsessed with you.

@nian_hu