Elon Musk didn’t have a 47th birthday party, LMS if u cried :-(


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Elon Musk didn’t have a 47th birthday party, LMS if u cried :-(

This is the saddest story you will read in 2018

by Nian Hu

I hope you're ready for the most depressing, heartbreaking story you will read this year. This is a tragedy that far outstrips all of the stories about neo-Nazis, school shootings, and deportations.

Are you ready? Here we go: Elon Musk didn't have a 47th birthday party.

Poor, poor Elongated Muskrat. My heart simply breaks for him. He openly sobbed to the New York Times about how this was the deepest, darkest tragedy in his life.

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I'm literally choking up right now.

Forget the Tesla employees that he overworks to the point of physical injury or the assistant that he fired after she worked for him for 12 years just because she asked for a raise — the REAL victim here is Elon Musk, because the poor widdle baby didn't have a 47th birthday party replete with cake and candles and miniature horses. What a tragedy!

The worst part of all of this is that he does this all of this to himself. Unlike the countless members of the working-class that Elon Musk screws over on a regular basis by paying them literally nothing and forcing them to work overtime, Elon Musk is a bourgeois swine. He's a goddamn billionaire, for fuck's sake. He literally has the power to end global poverty (but of course he doesn't).

This crying little birthday bitch can totally go fuck off to the Maldives on his private jet with Grimes on his lap whenever he damn wants to. Let's be honest: the REAL reason why he didn't have a 47th birthday party is because NOBODY WANTED TO CELEBRATE IT WITH HIM. Sucks to suck!