Welcome to Virgo Season, the best time of year to reinvent yourself and talk the most shit


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Welcome to Virgo Season, the best time of year to reinvent yourself and talk the most shit

The season of Beyonce and secret bitchy-ness

It can be tempting to see Virgo Season like an in-the-clear moment. We just survived the exhausting summer run of back-to-back insanity: the chaos of Gemini Season, the emotional rollercoaster of Cancer Season, and the truly tiring self-indulgence of Leo Season. While it's true we're now blessed with some semblance of sanity, I'm here to tell you that Virgo Season isn't peaceful lull before we re-enter the fray. Virgo Season is secretly the best time of year, and Virgos are secretly the best sign.

Virgos are the kind of people you want to go to lunch with. Lunch, as we all know, is the meal of gossip. Brunch is a competition over who can be the loudest, and dinner requires pants without an elastic waistband. But lunch? My god, ragging on everyone you know is the main course. And there's no one better to do it with than a Virgo because they're the master of shit-talking. It's not so much because they have all the tea and are eager to spill, but because they so observant. You can be ranting on and on about this bitch you haaaate but Virgos are the ones delivering that on-point, deliciously cunty, backhanded comment — usually while the swirl their glass and look away while sipping, which is the universal code for "And you didn't hear that from me." During Virgo Season, we get ALL that juice because Virgos are at their peak and everyone with any kind of Virgo placement suddenly gains that unique superpower. Basically, if anyone asks you to go to lunch this month, go and keep your ears open.

Now on to you favorite person: you. Talking shit about everyone is great, but what about you? Think of your favorite Virgos. What qualities come to mind? Chances are it's something about planners or too many office supplies or a state of delirious hyper-organization (a list of grudges in a phone, etc). And it's true! Virgos are…calculated, which makes Virgo Season an ideal time to channel some of that organizational psychosis and apply it to your own life. If you've been looking to kickstart an image overhaul, now is the time. My mom is a high school guidance counselor and she has a big poster in her office that says something like "A goal not written down is only a wish" or some shit, and it's true! You need to make a game plan. For maximum synchronicity, invite your pals over to forge new life plans while drinking wine and being mean to others. It's called multitasking, and Michelle Obama does it.