So he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship…and then started dating someone else
Here’s what you do
"Let's just see where things go," is the death kiss of any seemingly blooming relationship. It's just a nicer way of saying "I have absolutely no intentions of dating you long term, but I'd like to keep smashing until I find The One."
When you push for more details, they tell you "titles are silly" and "real, adult relationships don't need them anyway," so you convince yourself he's being genuine, until he breaks up with you (can you really break up if you were never dating?) and resurfaces three months later in an official® relationship with someone else.
What? The? Fuck? He wasn't ready for a relationship three months ago, and suddenly he's shackled up? This must be a mistake. But it isn't. He was always ready — just not with you. Here's how to cope:
Allow yourself to be pissed
Just because you aren’t dating someone anymore doesn’t mean you aren't allowed to still be obsessed with them. There's this stupid self-care pressure to move on and wish your ex the best — healthy people are always like, "your body ? is a temple ? that will heal from this ?." Well my body is fucking Hill House and I hope he dies in it!!
You're allowed to cry and DM all your friends about how you're going to die alone. It's stupid to pretend you're fully over someone when you aren't. It takes years to get over things, and even then, news like this can sting. What does this new person have that you don't?
Ask yourself if you actually still like him
Do you actually like him, or is he just 6'3"? Do you actually like him, or is he just 8 years older than you? Do you actually like him, or do you just want him to want you as badly as he wants someone else? The truth hurts.
It's really easy to fall into the trap of missing someone as soon as you realize they don't miss you, but if he came crawling back right this second, would you really let that shit fly? He dumped you after you gave him everything. He sucks.
Understand it doesn't matter if you're hotter
So you've allowed yourself to grieve, and you're pretty sure you wouldn't take him back, but one thing is still haunting you: you are pretty sure you are hotter than their new SO (read: you're sure). So, what gives?
Here's the thing: It doesn't matter if you are funner, it doesn't matter if you are prettier and it doesn't matter if you smell better (and have better teeth and hair). For him, it isn't about that.
You could be Ariana Fucking Grande and if there is something about his weird, fucked-up brain that clicks with hers, there's nothing you can do about it. You will drive yourself insane trying to figure out why he chose someone else when the answer is simple: they just click.
Take it for what it is, and move on
Here comes the annoying self-care bit, but I promise to be realistic about it. Moving on sucks, and sometimes it feels absolutely impossible, but the truth is it isn't. Time, friends, and a fresh cut and tan are a good place to start.
Even if you haven't spoken in months, this isn't the time to reach out and tell them you're happy for them. You still need time, and you still need to go get drunk with your friends while one of them monitors your phone. Just don't let it drag on forever, because people will get tired of trying to heal you.
Splurge on acrylics, or try some fresh low-lights. A new look will not only make you feel better, but it'll attract some new attention which never hurt anyone. Use his newfound "happiness" as a catalyst to find your own.
Create a fake account on IG
Like I said, it's unrealistic to assume after reading this you're 1,000 percent healed and prepared to never look back. Avoid running into them on your feed daily by muting their posts and stories, but for those days when you can't help but wonder what they're up to, create a fake IG to follow her from where you can check in from time to time.
We all do it.
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