There’s now a highlighter for your vagina because you people ruin everything

Look, I was on board with cheek highlighter. I could deal with neck contouring. Even foot contouring piqued my interest in some sick way. But there are some things that are even too unholy for me and my ungodly ways.

Cue vagina highlighter: The devil’s compact.

I guess I’m glad Coachella-style glitter bombs for our vaginas have taken a back seat and our labia have come to the realization that gloss is in, and matte is out. But there’s something so sacrilegious about sitting down in the morning and going at your parts with a lumi-stick?

My guess is that the only reason you’d be using this is because you have plans to do the dirty tonight (unless you’re doing it for you, in which case carry on, I guess). But what that also (hopefully!) means is that your SO will be going down on you. And if that’s the case, now they’re going to be coming out with a face full of highlighter.

According to a press release, the highlighter “improves the appearance of skin, by minimizing blemishes and making it look more luminous.” But even for the most sexual of beings, I can foresee this being problematic. Can you even imagine the UTI waiting for you on the other end? Plus, people are always telling you, “don’t put food up your vagina during sex,” so I can’t really see what would be different about this.

But if Glossier starts selling it in Haloscope, I’d consider buying.

@carolinephinney