OK, we’ve got some serious questions about this whole iPhone X mess


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OK, we’ve got some serious questions about this whole iPhone X mess

The 8 is irrelevant, let’s get that straight first

People already have a lot of questions about the iPhone X — 8 was rendered obsolete about three seconds after their announcement.

For example, if the X unlocks with facial recognition, how is a two-faced bitch supposed to access their messages?

But that hasn't stopped people from lining up 10 days in advance to buy it. I truly hope they all get one. Nobody should ever love anybody or anything that much.

If my husband was dying (read: if I convinced someone to marry me and then they were dying) and it was going to take me 10 days to get into the ER to see them, I'd expect a text from them telling me to use my vacation time elsewhere.

So for the rest of us waiting on access to the future, here's what we're wondering.

How is it supposed to recognize a popcorn hoe?

Will it freak out if it has a famous owner?

When is Lonely Boy's iPhone dropping?

And when is the damn phone going to just take us on vacation already?

What if you're ugly?

Does it take Instagram trends into account?

Should we all just say 'fuck it' and go back to the RAZR already?

Will its cracked back look as cute as our iPhone 4?

7 really ate 9?

If we need to check in on our man can we use his skin?

And of course, does anybody hate themselves enough to buy one?

Yeah, probably you disgusting materialistic witch

Who are we to miss out on the future just because our iPhones are literally perfectly fine?

The new one has talking poop emojis.


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