A clinical psychologist revealed why women have rape fantasies and it’s totally fascinating

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A clinical psychologist revealed why women have rape fantasies and it’s totally fascinating

There’s nothing wrong with you

Rape fantasies are shockingly common, but it's such a taboo topic. There's a major difference between fantasizing about having forced sex and actually wishing to be attacked and raped. Babe spoke with Clinical Psychologist Dr. Nancy Irwin about why do women have rape fantasies, if it's a good idea, and how it becomes a fantasy for some in the first place.

It starts young

"I think what happens is a ton of girls aren't introduced to sex whether it’s with a partner or told about it, I mean they got the biology of it in school, but they don’t get the whole emotional part of it," Dr. Irwin told Babe. This lack of education means girls end up exploring their sexuality in other ways.

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She gave the example of girls who babysit and stumble upon a dirty movie or romance novel after the kids are in bed. "That is one of their first encounters with sexuality," Dr. Irwin said. "It turns them on and as you know, our first opportunities are burned in our psyche. It should be nurturing and beautiful, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes that gets lost in, 'oh this is dirty. I gotta hide this.'"

You want to know you're wanted

Dr. Irwin said that one of the main reasons women fantasize rape comes from the media they consume like rom coms and romance novels. Basically, a man thinks your so incredibly hot that he has to have you. The thought of being so alluring and enticing to the guy is then the turn on. You end up fantasizing about this man taking you for his own simply because you drive him wild. "That’s a pretty common fantasy, but not because a woman really wishes that to happen," she told us.

Free the ladies

In not-so-breaking-news, women are still sexually repressed in this day and age. A rape fantasy has become a way for a woman who feels guilty or ashamed of her sexual desires to get around the belief that she shouldn't have physical wants at all. Even in the fantasy, the woman can think, "It's not my fault. He made me do it." It essentially lets her off the hook for wanting sex.

On the other hand…

This is pretty much the complete opposite of a sexually repressed woman fantasizing about forced sex. Some women feel so liberated in their sexuality that they're open to exploration. They could have a rape fantasy just because they choose. It's all about understanding the difference between fantasy and reality. "It does not mean they want the violence and the sex. It’s a fantasy and they run with it," Dr. Irwin said.

Bringing fantasy to life

There's a major subculture on sites like Reddit and Tumblr that discuss rape fantasies and experiences with role playing. Dr. Irwin said that if you're thinking about exploring struggle sex or rape play, then there's nothing wrong with that if you communicate with your partner. "If you’re in a relationship with a well-intentioned partner who understands everything and has a safe word" it could be a "fulfilling" experience.

She warned against putting yourself in a dangerous situation though. There's a serious difference between consenting to a planned environment and going into the unknown. "Going to a bar alone or walking to the car alone" is not a safe way to turn your fantasy into reality.