The definitive power ranking of every Kardashian-Jenner baby, and don’t you dare try to fight me
Hint: Khloe’s bump does better than like, half the kids
by Una Dabiero
Kylie just birthed her long-awaited Kardashian-Jenner prodigy, and the internet basically shut down. Her pregnancy home video got over 24 million views in less than 24 hours, and her birth announcement got over 10 million likes on Instagram.
All this celebration for a baby without a name or a face made me realize that not all Kardashian-Jenner babies are created equal. Like, I am 900 percent sure no one was freaking out this much when Reign Disick was born. Oh, you don't know who that is? That's what I'm saying.
Here's a power ranking of every Kardashian-Jenner grandkid, including the ones you forgot about. Oh, and Dream: The pretty famous baby we all know is gonna be super fucked up.
9) Dream Kardashian
While Dream may be more well-known than some of the Kardashian-Jenner babies, she will definitely grow up to have the least clout. Her daddy is poor and her mom is a mess and she will probably be taking care of them by the age of 10. That's a shame, because she is really fucking cute.
8) Reign Disick
Before writing this article, I literally forgot Reign exists. I guess that's really all I have to say about him, because I don't know anything else.
7) Penelope Disick
I'm pretty sure Penelope is famous for that one photo of her and Nori where they're both wearing tutus. Other than that, she is basically kept out of the public eye and just doesn't seem to have the star power some of her cousins do. I totally see Penelope being her school's tomboy/horse girl. There's nothing wrong with that, but she definitely won't be starting a world-famous makeup line or posing on the cover of Vogue anytime soon.
6) Mason Disick
Mason is the most widely known Disick child, but that's really not saying much. His own mother hasn't posted a solo-pic of him in 9 months, if you really needed to know anything else.
5) Khloe's bump
My greatest dream realized! We are having a baby! I had been waiting and wondering but God had a plan all along. He knew what He was doing. I simply had to trust in Him and be patient. I still at times can't believe that our love created life! Tristan, thank you for loving me the way that you do! Thank you for treating me like a Queen! Thank you for making me feel beautiful at all stages! Tristan, most of all, Thank you for making me a MOMMY!!! You have made this experience even more magical than I could have envisioned! I will never forget how wonderful you've been to me during this time! Thank you for making me so happy my love! Thank you to everyone for the love and positive vibes! I know we've been keeping this quiet but we wanted to enjoy this between our family and close friends as long as we could privately. To enjoy our first precious moments just us ❤️ Thank you all for understanding. I am so thankful, excited, nervous, eager, overjoyed and scared all in one! But it's the best bundle of feelings I've ever felt in my life! ❤️❤️❤️
Khloe's bump has been getting lots of press, probably because she is so fucking happy about finally being pregnant. Her baby will be cute and loved, but she just isn't as famous as her sisters'. As a result, her offspring will probably be fitness-program famous, but not like, Met Gala famous. And you know what? There's really nothing wrong with that.
4) Saint West
Saint West is absolutely adorable and smiles for basically any pap pic he ever takes. You can tell he already has star power, and you know Kanye is going to invest a fuck ton in his only son. Of course, Saint gets bonus points for being Kim's kid because it makes him more famous than many of the off-brand Kardashian-Jenner babies. Saint could be the most boring person every and still be hella rich and successful because of his name. Just look at Kendall.
3) Chicago 'Chi' West
While Chicago's only appeared in Kylie's home video, she is already more famous than most celeb babies. She domineered the news cycle for a solid year if we start counting back when Kim was first talking about surrogacy. Photos of just her name get more likes on Instagram than some of Kourtney's actual nude. I think part of her appeal is how little we know about her. It keeps me wanting more. One think I DO know is she is going to be just as gorgeous as Kim's other kids, and probably 10 times more successful since she is a Capricorn everything. Saint West, who?
2) Kylie's unnamed newborn
Kylie's baby doesn't even have a name yet and we are all freaking out about her presence as though our best friend just gave birth to the next Messiah. This baby is going to have major star power even if her mom keeps her out of the public eye. Honestly, I am thirsty for pictures of her and am anxiously waiting for one of her besties to let slip the first pic a la Malia Obama's friends.
1) North 'Nori' West
Nori definitely has the most clout out of all the Kardashian-Jenner grandkids. She is papped the most, has appeared in Vogue and did a cover shoot at 4 where her mom literally dressed up like Jackie O. She's gorgeous, like Kim's clone, and has the artistic genes of Kanye West. North is 100 percent more well-regarded than some Kardashian-Jenners will ever be, and is definitely more famous than all of us. Baby ICON.