Jeffree Star, part-time racist/full-time boiled egg, is threatening to release new music
With Cardi B!!!!
by Amanda Ross
A day in the life of Jeffree Star probably goes a little something like this:
11 AM: Wake up entangled in sheets reeking of sour milk
1 PM: Apologize to fans for saying the n-word, claim it's in the past
1:30 PM: Say the n-word again
2 PM: Pimp out a dusty-ass highlighter to straight girls who like to tweet "Yas tea you are cancelledttt henny slay sis binch! WIG FLEW TO MARS!"
2:30 PM: Try to suck Kylie and Kim's dick to get back on their PR list
And now Jeffree can add a new hour of trash to his busy, busy day: the former MySpace celebrity/current cheap-lipstick-stain-on-society is threatening to release more garbage music — and possibly with Cardi B. As an Internet Elder, I remember all too well the horror Jeffree is capable of inflicting on the world with the help of Garage Band on his 2009 MacBook. Here, a selection from his song Ice Cream:
But now that Jeffree's tweeted about him definitely maybe collabing with Cardi on a new album (and I use that word as loosely as possible), I'm genuinely terrified that it might end up on the radio thanks to Cardi's star power:
It's unclear why Cardi would deign to work with the sentient melted Chapstick that is Jeffree Star, but who knows what he's paying her for a feature with his YouTube blood money?
Cardi, I beg you: Come back to the light. You don't have to do this, we can help you.