Jeffree Star, part-time racist/full-time boiled egg, is threatening to release new music
With Cardi B!!!!
by Amanda Ross
A day in the life of Jeffree Star probably goes a little something like this:
11 AM: Wake up entangled in sheets reeking of sour milk
1 PM: Apologize to fans for saying the n-word, claim it's in the past
1:30 PM: Say the n-word again
2 PM: Pimp out a dusty-ass highlighter to straight girls who like to tweet "Yas tea you are cancelledttt henny slay sis binch! WIG FLEW TO MARS!"
2:30 PM: Try to suck Kylie and Kim's dick to get back on their PR list
And now Jeffree can add a new hour of trash to his busy, busy day: the former MySpace celebrity/current cheap-lipstick-stain-on-society is threatening to release more garbage music — and possibly with Cardi B. As an Internet Elder, I remember all too well the horror Jeffree is capable of inflicting on the world with the help of Garage Band on his 2009 MacBook. Here, a selection from his song Ice Cream:
But now that Jeffree's tweeted about him definitely maybe collabing with Cardi on a new album (and I use that word as loosely as possible), I'm genuinely terrified that it might end up on the radio thanks to Cardi's star power:
It's unclear why Cardi would deign to work with the sentient melted Chapstick that is Jeffree Star, but who knows what he's paying her for a feature with his YouTube blood money?
Cardi, I beg you: Come back to the light. You don't have to do this, we can help you.
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It’s lame as hell
by Harry Shukman
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BEHOLD: Pumpkin Spice Booze, because Pumpkin Spice Lattes are over and they haven’t invented Pumpkin Spice Cocaine yet
Catch me snorting nutmeg
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Your weekly horoscopes say everyone’s feeling particularly rebellious this week
Here’s what to expect
by Caroline Phinney
There's something about these final dog days of August that bring with them an energizing, revitalizing feel. Fall is on the way, which means it's almost time to cuff up or miss out. With Lilith in Capricorn, you'll be ready to make the first move this week. Good luck.AriesIt’s finally time to relax for you…