Who is Pete Davidson’s stylist? I just wanna talk

Times have been tough for Pete Davidson recently. Ever since he announced his whirlwind engagement to Ariana Grande, he’s faced more scrutiny and criticism than he’s probably ever had in his life before. Suddenly the eyes of the world are watching his every move, accusing him of having butthole eyes and saying his feature on Sweetener is trash. Now, I’m not saying that this is the root of all his problems, but I’m just putting it out there: Pete Davidson’s stylist is doing the man dirty.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl2Nq9PHxj4/?taken-by=arianagrande

Whether he always dressed like an incorrectly resized photo of a stylish child and we never noticed, or just adopted the look when his paparazzi following suddenly increased by 353206823098% after proposing to Ariana five minutes into their relationship, his look is… a choice. You know those 13-year-old kids who camp out outside Supreme waiting for a new drop? The ones who live there in a tent for a week, then spend, like, $900 on a brick? Well imagine that but plus 11 years and a popstar girlfriend and you’re halfway to Davidson-chic.

Pete’s style is adeptly summed up by Vanity Fair as “scumbro” — basically, his aesthetic is the epicentre of men’s fashion right now, in all its navel-gazing, deliberately ugly, hard-on-for-Balenciaga glory. Scumbro is Jonah Hill’s tie-dye t-shirts. It’s Shia LaBeouf’s whole vibe. It’s Kanye’s dumb, ill-fitting sliders. It’s hahah wink wink “we know it’s ugly, that’s the point!” fashion discourse. It’s Pete Davidson’s entire wardrobe. Did you know, for example, that he literally has a tattoo on his chest that says “jokes come and go but swag is forever”. I’m not joking! He paid for that to be placed permanently on his body! And it was probably very painful too! Ariana probably sees that all the time, and now we, the collective general public, we have to see it too!

Even Tan France could not help Pete Davidson. Tan France, who as we all know, can solve all of the world’s problem by simply existing, wearing patterned silk shirts and saying gently to human beings who store all their clothes on a pile on their bathroom floor “have you ever tried a French tuck?” — even he was stumped.

Look, I’m not the most fashionable person in the world (so please, please do not read this article and then immediately trawl through my social media to find photos of me where I’m poorly dressed, I beg of you). I’m writing this, judging Pete Davidson for his sartorial transgressions from my ivory tower as I wear two-day-old Adidas sweatpants and a child’s Hooters t-shirt I bought at the restaurant because I thought it would be a fun ironic crop top. But also! I’m not an SNL celebrity! I’m not one half of the world’s hottest celebrity odd couple!

@rosielanners