Get ready to smash that mf Nut Button, here’s Lana Del Rey’s super hot brother!
Hermano Del Rey!
Finally, girls and gays have a new reason to unite. No, not for the premiere of A Star Is Born — that's still a few weeks away! I'm talking about the recent revelation that Lana Del Rey's brother is a BDE'd, square-jawed Lana clone and I want to sleep in the dumpster across from his house until he notices me!
Lana uploaded this glowy-faced pic of her siblings last night, and at first I thought the guy on the left was one of the Paul brothers:
And then when I logged on Twitter for my daily tweets about wanting to die, I came across this sad boi peeking back at me from the TL:
First, this picture is great because it proves that Lana's nose is natural! Or he got surgery to match, which is far-fetched but would also make him the most ride-or-die brother alive. He looks like he reeks of cigarettes and dick (that's a compliment!) He looks like he could replace Evan Peters on American Horror Story and no one would even notice! But do I just think he's hot because I'm straight and any man with a square jaw looks like a marble bust of a Greek god to me? I turned to the one man who would have the answers: my brother, obsessive Lana stan/confirmed homosexual. For context, this is how he tweets:
Aaaaand some more:
After texting Dean "911 EMERGENCY WAKE UP", he was pissed to learn I only had a hot-or-not question and not news of a tragic fire. But once I briefed him on the extremely important matter at hand, he gave me a succinct and insightful answer: "Ew, no." It's crazy because Dean normally likes guys who look dead, and Charlie Del Rey (fine, Charlie Hill-Grant) looks like he's got one sexy foot in the grave. When I pressed the littlest Ross for more information, he explained he doesn't like Charlie because he looks too much like Lana. And while Dean loves Lana, he does not want to have sex with her. He only wants to take rushed selfies with her outside of SXSW parties:
— dean (@Its_dean) March 18, 2017
The rest is up to you, dear readers. Is he hot? Is he just a person upon which we're projecting all of societies aesthetic expectations? Will we ever find him 100 feet from you on Grindr? Stay tuned.
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